The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rod - Terry Pratchett [7]
Maurice's eyes narrowed. For a moment he came close to breaking his iron rule of not eating anyone that could talk. 'What about you, kid?' he said, looking up at the stupid-looking kid.
'I don't mind,' said the kid.
'Don't mind what?' said Maurice.
'Don't mind anything, really,' said the kid. 'Just so long as no-one stops me playing.'
'But you've got to think of the future!' said Maurice.
'I am,' said the kid. 'I want to go on playing my music in the future. It doesn't cost anything to play. But maybe the rats are right. We've had a couple of narrow squeaks, Maurice.'
Maurice gave the kid a sharp look to see if he was making a joke, but the kid had never done that kind of thing before. He gave up. Well, not exactly gave up. Maurice hadn't got where he was by giving up on problems. He just put them to one side. After all, something always turned up. 'OK, fine,' he said. 'We'll do it one more time and split the money three ways. Fine. Not a problem. But if this is going to be the last time, let's make it one to remember, eh?' He grinned.
The rats, being rats, were not keen on seeing a grinning cat, but they understood that a difficult decision had been made. They breathed tiny sighs of relief.
'Are you happy with that, kid?' said Maurice.
'I can go on playing my flute afterwards?' said the kid.
'Absolutely.'
'OK,' said the kid.
The money, shiny like the sun and shiny like the moon, was solemnly put back in its bag. The rats dragged the bag under the bushes and buried it. No-one could bury money like rats, and it didn't pay to take too much into towns.
Then there was the horse. It was a valuable horse, and Maurice was very, very sorry to turn it loose. But, as Peaches pointed out, it was a highwayman's horse, with a very ornate saddle and bridle. Trying to sell it here could be dangerous. People would talk. It might attract the attention of the government. This was no time to have the Watch on their tails.
Maurice walked to the edge of the rock and looked down at the town, which was waking up under the sunrise. 'Let's make this the big one, then, eh?' he said, as rats came back. 'I want to see maximum squeaking and making faces at people and widdling on stuff, OK?'
'We think that widdling on stuff is not really-' Dangerous Beans began, but 'Ahem,' said Peaches, and so Dangerous Beans went on: 'Oh, I suppose, if it's the last time…'
'I've widdled on everything since I was out of the nest,' said Hamnpork. 'Now they tell me it's not right. If that's what thinking means, I'm glad I don't do any.'
'Let's leave 'em amazed,' said Maurice. 'Rats? They think they've seen rats in that town? After they've seen us, they'll be making up storiesl'
CHAPTER 2
Mr Bunnsy had a lot of friends in Furry Bottom. But what Mr Bunnsy was friendly with more than anything else was food.
- From Mr Bunnsy Has An Adventure
This was the plan .
And it was a good plan. Even the rats, even Peaches, had to admit that it had worked.
Everyone knew about plagues of rats. There were famous stories about the rat pipers, who made their living going from town to town getting rid of plagues of rats. Of course there weren't just rat plagues-sometimes there were plagues of accordion-players, bricks tied up with string, or fish-but it was the rats everyone knew about.
And that, really, was it. You didn't need many rats for a plague, not if they knew their business. One rat, popping up here and there, squeaking loudly, taking a bath in the fresh cream and widdling in the flour, could be a plague all by himself.
After a few days of this, it was amazing how glad people were to see the stupid-looking kid with his magical rat pipe. And they were amazed when rats poured out of every hole to follow him out of the town. They were so amazed that they didn't bother much about the fact that there were only a few hundred rats.
They'd have been really amazed if they'd ever found out that the rats and the piper met up with a cat somewhere in the bushes out of town, and solemnly counted out the money.
Bad Blintz was