The Art of Conversation - Catherine Blyth [45]
4. Thematic touch-offs: Topics may springboard to others by touching on shared themes. Such leaps of thought ask us to attend to buried meanings—the implied, the unspeakable—giving a certain frisson. Indeed, half the pleasure of conversation with old friends is how much of it may be woven from thematic touch-offs. It feels like glorious mind reading, because it is.
Hence thematic touch-offs are among the fastest ways to feel more connected to strangers, as well as escape a dull topic. Be warned: They can seem random. If in doubt, make the link explicit: “Kangaroo keeper? Wouldn’t a pouch be cool! I hate handbags.”
5. Triggered topics: Triggered topics also play off previous talk but are even more unruly, conversation’s equivalent to tickles. A keyword—say, mention of a friend’s labor—might cue a fresh topic (“Speaking of monstrous births, seen Hilda’s kids?”). Or the trigger might be a pun. If you’re walking in the park and you say, “Ice cream?” and he says “I can make you,” this Platonic friendship may be up for review. An added bonus is that, as with topics triggered from observations of your surroundings, these bypass the etiquette of bidding for a topic.
6. Listed topics: Or agendas, as at business meetings. These require no topical interweaving, and make lousy social conversation, e.g., catalogs of activities in reply to “What did you do on holiday?” However, invoking the idea of listed topics can be handy.
For example, to cut off her inventory of buffet dishes served at the Hotel Paradiso, say, “Now, the other thing I wanted to mention is that . . .” At a stroke, you’ve introduced the impression of an agenda, implicitly declared the previous subject closed, and conveyed that your time is limited, even if hers is not.
TOPIC PLASTERS AND SIGNALS: A GLOSSARY FOR GLUEING TALK
Out of inspiration? These nifty words and phrases cobble together the unlikeliest topics.
If you’re truly in the doldrums, try the ones with stars: All by themselves, they should provoke fellow talkers to return to the floor with a fresh topic.
CASUAL
“Hey”
“Listen”
“Guess what”
“You have got to hear this”
*“Erm”
*“Right”
RETROSPECTIVE
*“Well”
*“Anyway”
*“Still”
*“Did I interrupt you?”
*“As I was/you were
saying”
“I meant to say”
CASUAL
“Let’s see”
“Now then”
“Now, here’s the thing”
*“So”
OMINOUS
“Incidentally”
“By the way”
“I was wondering”
FORMAL
“The reason I called”
“This might interest you”
➺ Rule four: Dare to be conventional
You needn’t be a smoothie to win points for keeping talk going. As a teenager I was prissily averse to platitudes, clichés, and never knowingly remarked on the weather. More fool me. Stating the obvious is perfectly acceptable. And a little local knowledge can pay dividends.
An agonizingly gauche banquet very nearly wrecked President Nixon’s historic visit to China, by showing how little each side had to talk about, despite their nations’ supposed new understanding and the efforts American delegates had made beforehand to learn the use of chopsticks (famed TV reporter Walter Cronkite sent olives flying), not to mention a White House memo containing useful conversation tips such as “The Chinese take great pride in their food and to compliment the various courses and dishes is also recommended.” While Nixon traded insipid remarks with the Chinese prime minister, his secretary of state, William Rogers,
told long stories about his hero, the great golfer Sam Snead, to the Chinese Foreign Minister, a tough old revolutionary who had no idea what golf was.
If only Madame Mao had been there. Then Mrs. Nixon could have salvaged the moment with this age-old Chinese conversation opener:
“How is Your Excellency’s favored wife?”
To which Madame Mao would have replied, equally conventionally,
“Thank you, the foolish one of the family is well.”
TYPOLOGY OF BORES, CHORES, AND OTHER CONVERSATIONAL BEASTS
THE GRAND INQUISITOR Sciscitator nasutus
You may imagine you have embarked on a light chat. To