The Artemis Fowl Files - Eoin Colfer [17]
“You did tag me,” he said finally.
“That’s right,” agreed Trouble. “She did.”
“And I did say . ..”
“You certainly did.”
Root rounded on Trouble. “What are you? A parrot? Will you shut your trap? I’m trying to swallow my pride here.” Trouble locked his lips, throwing away the imaginary key.
“This is going to cost the department a fortune, Short. We’re going to have to rebuild here, or generate a localized tidal wave to cover the damage. That’s six months of my budget right there.”
“I know, sir,” said Holly humbly. “Sorry, sir.”
Root drew out his wallet, taking a set of silver acorns from a compartment. He tossed them to Holly, who almost missed the catch in her surprise.
“Put them on. Welcome to Recon.”
“Thank you, sir,” said Holly, clipping the insignia to her lapel. It caught the rising sun and flashed like a satellite.
“The first female in Recon,” groaned the commander.
Holly lowered her face to hide a grin that she couldn’t contain.
“You’re going to wash out in six months,” continued Root, “and probably cost me a fortune.”
He was wrong about the first, but right about the second.
ELVES
Distinguishing features:
About three feet tall
Pointy ears
Brown skin
Red hair
Character:
Intelligent
Strong sense of right and wrong
Very loyal
Sarcastic sense of humor, although that might just be characteristic of one particular female LEP officer
Loves:
Flying, either in a craft or with wings
Situations to avoid:
They really don’t like it if you kidnap them and take their gold.
There are many different types of fairy and, with each one, it’s important to know what you are dealing with. This is just some of the information collected by Artemis Fowl during his adventures. It is confidential and must not fall into the wrong hands. The future of the People depends on it.
DWARFS
Distinguishing features:
Short, round, and hairy
Large tombstone teeth—good for grinding...well, anything really
Unhingable jaws enabling them to excavate tunnels
Sensitive beard hair
Skin capable of acting likesuction cups when dehydrated
Smelly
Character:
Sensitive
Intelligent
Criminal tendencies
Loves:
Gold and precious gems
Tunneling
The dark
Situations to avoid:
Being in a confined space with them when they have been tunneling and have a buildup of trapped air. If they reach for the bum flap on their trousers, get out of there....
TROLLS
Distinguishing features:
Huge—as big as an elephant
Light-sensitive eyes
Hate noise
Hairy, with dreadlocks
Retractable claws
Teeth!—lots and lots of teeth
Tusks like a wild boar (a really wild boar)
Green tongue
Exceptionally strong
Weak point at the base of the skull
Character:
Very, very stupid—trolls have tiny brains
Mean and bad-tempered
Loves:
Eating—anything. A couple of cows would make alight snack
Situations to avoid:
Are you joking? If you even think a troll is near, run like the wind.
GOBLINS
Distinguishing features:
Scaly
Lidless eyes—they lick their eyeballs to keep them moist
Able to throw fireballs
They go on all fours when speed is important
Forked tongue
Less than three feet tall
Slimy, fireproof skin
Character:
Not clever, but cunning
Argumentative
Ambitious
Power-hungry
Loves:
Fire
A good argument
Power
Situations to avoid:
Don’t get in the wayif they’re throwing a fireball.
CENTAURS
Distinguishing features:
Half man, half pony
Hairy—obviously!
Hooves can get very dry
Character:
Extremely intelligent
Vain
Paranoid
Kind
Computer geek
Loves:
Showing off
Inventing
Situations to avoid:
They aren’t verydangerous physically, but they will sulk if you criticizetheir latest invention, mess with their hard drive, or borrowtheir hoof moisturizer.
SPRITES
Distinguishing features:
About three feet tall
Pointy ears
Green skin
Wings
Character:
Average intelligence
Generally happy-go-lucky attitude
Loves:
Flying—more than anything else under or above the earth
Situations to avoid:
Watch out for