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PIXIES

Distinguishing features:

About three feet tall

Pointy ears

Apart from their ears and their height, pixies look almost human

Character:

Extremely intelligent

No morals

Cunning

Ambitious

Greedy

Loves:

Power and money

Chocolate

Situations to avoid:

Never get on the wrong side of a pixie, especially one as clever and ruthless as Opal Koboi, unless you are as brilliant as Artemis Fowl, of course.

If you weren’t a criminal mastermind, what would you most like to do?

I think there is a lot of work to be done in the field of psychology. If I did not have my criminal plots to occupy my time, I think I would devote my energies to putting right some of the mistakes made by misters Freud and Jung.

What do you really think of Captain Holly Short?

I have immense respect for Captain Short and I often wish she would come over to my side, as it were. But I know she never will. She has too many principles. And if she ever lost those principles, perhaps I would lose my respect for her, too.

You have traveled a great deal. Where is your favorite place in the world, and why?

My favorite place in the world is Ireland. As the fairy People say, it is the most magical place. Its landscapes are the most inspirational in the world. And the people are witty and genuine, though we do have a dark side.

What was your most embarrassing moment?

I once scored a mere ninety-nine percent on a mathematics assignment. I was mortified. I had forgotten to round up the third decimal place. Imagine my embarrassment.

What is your favorite book?

My favorite book this week is The Lord of the Flies by William Golding. It is a fascinating psychological study of a group of boys stranded on an island. I can’t help thinking that if I had been on that island, I would be running the place in a week.

What is your favorite song?

I rarely listen to popular music, with the exception of David Bowie, who is quite a chameleon. One never knows quite what to expect. I think Bowie is a fascinating individual and I am thinking of approaching him with a scheme of mine for rediscovering a lost Mozart opera, which, of course, I have written. My favorite song of Mister Bowie’s is “It’s No Game, Part 2,” from the Scary Monsters CD.

What keeps you awake at night?

My plans. They run around my head at night, keeping me awake. There is one more thing that keeps me awake. Sometimes I feel bad about the things I have done. If this feeling of guilt strikes, I do a quick online check of my bank balance, and it soon goes away.

What is your most treasured possession?

My most treasured possession is a cache of LEP equipment that Butler confiscated from a fairy Retrieval team. There are a thousand inventions in there that have never been seen by humans. These will be my retirement fund.

Who is your best friend?

I believe that we agreed that this question would not be asked. If my enemies discovered who my best friend is, they could get to me through him or her. Let me just say that my best friend is never far away and has been with me since the day of my birth.

Do you mind being the only female elf in the LEPrecon Unit?

Some days it’s a pain. It would be nice to have a female colleague to talk to at the end of a long shift. In the beginning some of the male officers used to give me a hard time. Now they’re too busy chasing my flight records to insult me.

What was your proudest moment?

My proudest moment was when we shut down the goblin revolution. If those scaly gangsters had managed to take over Police Plaza, our entire culture would have been destroyed.

What was your most embarrassing moment?

I got bitten in the behind by a swear toad once. We were sweeping a tunnel for a rogue troll and the little guy just popped out of ahole and took a chunk out of me. It was a small chunk, but the venom caused a lot of swelling. I will never live that day down. I just hope Artemis Fowl doesn’t find out about it.

You often get into trouble with Commander Root for not following the rules. Did you