The Beautiful Between - Alyssa B. Sheinmel [29]
“No, of course not, if you want to. I just didn’t want you to think you had to come with me. I’m okay, you know—you don’t have to babysit me.”
I burst out laughing. Jeremy looks hurt.
“I’m sorry, Jer, it’s just that … God, you’d be the one babysitting me! You go to these parties all the time; it’s not like you don’t know how to be there.”
Jeremy laughs too. “I meant, like, maybe you thought I’d get stupid drunk to drown my sorrows or something.”
“Hell, who am I to say that’s not what you ought to do?”
“Good point. Maybe drunk is a good thing.”
“I’ve never really drunk much.”
“Don’t worry, kid, I’ll make sure you get good and plastered. Come over before the party and I’ll take you there.”
“We’ll babysit each other,” I say, excited that I’m going to the party, thrilled and relieved that Jeremy has volunteered to be my guide.
“Absolutely.”
I love that he understood that I wouldn’t have wanted to go by myself. I lean back against the planter again, watch Jeremy exhale smoke in the opposite direction. He’s always careful not to blow it toward me, like he knows that even though I smoke down here with him, I don’t really like cigarettes.
11
Three days later and I’m searching for something to wear to the party. I wonder if Jeremy’s family will be there tonight. I’ve never met his parents. I think Kate will be there. She hasn’t been in school for a couple weeks now, and as much as I want to see her, I’m scared too. I know she’ll look different. Her hair could be gone by now.
I take care in getting dressed not because I want to look pretty for Jeremy, but because I think I’ll be more comfortable at the party if I like the way I look. But I don’t want to look overdressed. I mean, it’s just a party at someone’s house. I know the guys won’t be dressed up and the girls won’t be dressy so much as slutty, hoping to drag the guys’ attention away from the liquor. I wish Jeremy was a girl so I could call him and ask him what he was wearing.
I take a cab down to Jeremy’s. I’m not stopped in the lobby, but given a friendly nod from the doorman in the direction of the elevator. It doesn’t matter that I don’t know the floor, because there’s an elevator operator and he does. The mark of a really nice building in New York isn’t one where the security is so tight that they don’t let you in, but one where they know whether to let you in and take you where you’re going without your having to say a word.
The elevator opens directly into the apartment, and I have no idea which way to go. There’s no one in sight and the apartment is enormous. I silently narrate my entrance: The peasant girl barely steps inside the castle, scared of the sounds her shoes will make on the marble floor. Will anyone come look for her, or will she be left waiting, standing in the foyer forever? She dares not make a sound until someone comes to acknowledge her. Too frightened—and maybe a bit too stubborn—to move, she stands like a statue, until that’s what everyone thinks she is. Days will go by; weeks and months, even. The maids will dust her.
I hear feet shuffling toward me, shaking me out of my nightmare. Kate is walking toward me, sliding her slippers on the floor, in pajama pants and what must be an old T-shirt of Jeremy’s, or maybe their father’s. I’m relieved to see her—someone to keep me from becoming a statue. And I’m relieved because even though her hair is short, she doesn’t look sick. She looks the same.
“Hey, Connelly, you’re here.”
Now that I’ve been acknowledged, I can move. I begin with my mouth. “Yup, I’m here.”
I think she must be sick of people asking how she’s feeling, sicker still of people telling her they like her haircut. So I reach into my purse.
“I brought you a book.”
Kate looks surprised. “You did?”
I smile. “It’s one of my favorites.” I hold the book out toward her. It’s my own copy, and I don’t think I’ve ever given a book away before.
Kate flips through it. “It’s all underlined.”
I smile. “I know. I underlined my favorite parts. You can ignore that.”
Kate grins. “Nah, I’ll pay attention. Bet I’ll be able to tell