The Best Buddhist Writing 2010 - Melvin McLeod [84]
We may think, “I have paid attention to my breath many times and never had any revelations.” But that is the past talking, trying to trap us in that old pattern again. This time be aware and let go of that thought too. Sometimes we must pray. When our heart is completely taken over and seized by the force of devotion, then self does not have any power to maintain its composure. Ego just dies right there on the spot, without dismantling the self into tiny pieces and investigating whether they are real or not. There is no time for analytical meditation. There is no time to prepare to transcend the self. Self is gone the moment our heart is completely taken over by the spirit of devotion.
When we meditate I encourage all of us to have the attitude that we are meditating to dissolve the self. That’s why we meditate. Hold this perspective in your awareness and let your dualistic mind dissolve for at least a half hour, or at least for ten minutes every day. When you allow yourself to witness that unexpected glimpse of the truth, where the self is dissolved, it’s like drinking nectar. It’s inexpressible. We often use the word “bliss” to describe that state. “Bliss” is a good word but it can be misunderstood. The bliss that I am speaking about has nothing to do with ordinary bliss. It’s not like the bliss of having great food or other sensual pleasure. This is nonconceptual bliss that is not based on emotions but is based on awareness. We often say that realizing the true nature of who we are is like drinking the nectar of ultimate bliss. The more we drink, the more we are going to be addicted, which is very good.
It is not enough to drink that nectar once or twice. We have to learn how to drink the nectar of great bliss from the dissolution of self many times. It is not enough to simply remember having the experience some time ago. In the beginning we should drink this nectar of bliss at least three times every day. That’s the assignment for everybody who is looking for liberation. Then as time goes by, we drink many times, hundreds of times every day. Eventually we drink a thousand times every day. After a while we drink in each and every moment, when we are asleep, when we are awake, when we are talking, when we are meditating, when we are playing music, when we are fighting with people. We drink that nectar of bliss all the time. This is called “complete total awakening” and this is our goal. This is our intention and our highest aspiration.
I remember a very short quote from a Buddhist teacher: “No self, no problem.” It is really short but true and very effective too. There is always struggle in our lives either consciously or unconsciously. Many people in the world are going through struggles with social injustice, violence, and war. Even in the most prosperous countries, which are in some ways more fortunate because they enjoy many material comforts, people are suffering. Some people feel that they don’t have enough money or that they are not beautiful or intelligent enough. They don’t have an ideal relationship or they are worried because they are not enlightened. Many people suffer because of anger, hatred, and judgment. All these problems spring from the mistaken notion of what and who we are. This idea of “self,” “me,” and “mine” is the source of our inner struggle. It is like an author creating relentless agony in our consciousness.
When we go beyond the self then we go beyond everything. We go beyond every form of struggle that we encounter in life. For example, when I meditate, if I am not really ready to melt the self, then I am struggling. My ego is struggling. “Well, I want to be enlightened. I want to have that bliss that he is talking about right now. I want to feel