The clan of the cave bear_ a novel - Jean M. Auel [180]
Ayla lost her sparkle. She was dispirited, morose, unresponsive to anything else. The only emotion she felt was an all-consuming hatred of Broud and his daily penetration of her. Like a massive glacier that sucks all moisture from the surrounding land, her loathing and bitter frustration drained away all other feelings.
She had always kept herself clean, washing herself and her hair in the stream to keep it free of lice, even bringing in large bowls of snow to set beside the constantly burning fire to melt for fresh water in winter. Now her hair hung limp in greasy tangles and she wore the same wrap day in and day out, not bothering to clean the spots or let it air out. She dragged at her chores until men who had never before scolded were rebuking her. She lost interest in Iza’s medicines, never talked except to answer direct questions, seldom hunted and often returned empty-handed when she did. Her despondency cast a pall on everyone else around Creb’s hearth.
Iza was beside herself with worry; she couldn’t understand the drastic change in Ayla. She knew it was because of Broud’s inexplicable interest in her, but why it should have that effect was beyond the woman. She hovered over Ayla, watching her constantly, and when the young woman first began to get sick in the mornings, she was afraid that whatever evil spirit had gotten into her was gaining a greater hold.
But Iza was an experienced medicine woman. She was the first to notice when Ayla did not keep herself in the nominal isolation required of women when their totems battled, and watched her adopted daughter even closer. She could hardly believe what she suspected. But by the time another moon had passed and the summer was waxing into full heat, Iza was sure. Early one evening when Creb was away from the hearth, she beckoned to Ayla.
“I want to talk to you.”
“Yes, Iza,” Ayla replied, hauling herself up from her fur and slumping down in the dirt near the woman.
“When was the last time your totem battled, Ayla?”
“I don’t know.”
“Ayla, I want you to think about it. Have the spirits fought within you since the blossoms dropped?”
The young woman tried to think. “I’m not sure, maybe once.”
“That’s what I thought,” Iza said. “You’re getting sick in the mornings, aren’t you?”
“Yes,” she nodded. Ayla thought her sickness was because every morning that Broud wasn’t gone hunting, he was there, waiting for her, and she hated it so much, she was losing her breakfast, and sometimes her evening meal, too.
“Have your breasts felt sore?”
“A little.”
“And they’ve grown larger, too, haven’t they?”
“I think so. Why are you asking? Why all these questions?”
The woman looked at her seriously. “Ayla, I don’t know how it happened, I can hardly believe it, but I’m sure it’s true.”
“What’s true?”
“Your totem has been defeated; you are going to have a baby.”
“A baby? Me? I can’t have a baby,” Ayla protested. “My totem is too strong.”
“I know, Ayla. I can’t understand it, but you are going to have a baby,” Iza repeated.
A look of wonder crept into Ayla’s unresponsive eyes. “Can it be true! Can it really be true! Me, have a baby? Oh, mother, how wonderful!”
“Ayla, you’re not mated. I don’t think there’s a man in the clan who will take you, even as second woman. You can’t have a child without a mate, it might be unlucky,” Iza motioned earnestly. “It would be best to take something to lose it. I think mistletoe would be best. You know, the plant with the small white berries that grows high in the oak. It’s very effective and, if properly handled, not too dangerous. I’ll make you a tea of the leaves with just a few berries. It will help your totem expel the new life. It will make you a little sick, but …”
“No! No!” Ayla was shaking her head vigorously. “Iza,