The clan of the cave bear_ a novel - Jean M. Auel [181]
“But Ayla, what if the baby is unlucky? It might even be deformed.”
“It won’t be unlucky, I won’t let it. I promise, I’ll take good care of myself so it will be healthy. Didn’t you say a strong totem helps to make a healthy baby once it succumbs? And I’ll take good care of it after it’s born, I won’t let anything happen. Iza, I’ve got to have this baby. Don’t you see? My totem may never be defeated again. This may be my only chance.”
Iza looked into the pleading eyes of the young woman. It was the first spark of life she had seen since the day Broud beat her while she was out hunting. She knew she should insist that Ayla take the medicine; it wasn’t right for an unmated woman to give birth if it could be helped. But Ayla wanted the baby so desperately, she might go into a worse depression if she was made to give it up. And maybe she was right—it might be her only chance.
“All right, Ayla,” she acquiesced. “If you want it so much. It would be best not to mention it to anyone yet; they’ll know soon enough.”
“Oh, Iza,” she said, and gave the woman a hug. As the miracle of her impossible pregnancy filled her, a smile danced across her face. She jumped up, charged with energy. She couldn’t sit still, she just had to do something.
“Mother, what are you cooking tonight? Let me help.”
“Aurochs stew,” the woman replied, amazed at the sudden transformation in the young woman. “You can cut up the meat if you want.”
As the two women worked, Iza realized she had almost forgotten what a joy Ayla could be. Their hands flew, talking and working, and Ayla’s interest in medicine suddenly returned.
“I didn’t know about mistletoe, mother,” Ayla remarked. “I know about ergot and sweet rush, but I didn’t know mistletoe could make a woman lose a baby.”
“There will always be some things I haven’t told you about, Ayla, but you’ll know enough. And you know how to test; you will always be able to keep learning. Tansy will work, too, but it can be more dangerous than mistletoe. You use the whole plant—flowers, leaves, roots—and boil it. If you fill the water up to here,” Iza pointed to a mark on the side of one of her medicine bowls, “and boil it down to a cup this size,” Iza held up a bone cup, “it should be about right. One cup is usually enough. Chrysanthemum flowers sometimes work. It’s not as dangerous as mistletoe or tansy, but not always effective, either.”
“That would be better for women who tend to lose babies easily. It’s better to use something milder if it will work—less dangerous.”
“That’s right. And Ayla, there’s something else you should know about.” Iza looked around to make sure Creb was still gone. “No man must ever learn of this; it is a secret known only to medicine women, and not all of them know it. It’s best not even to tell a woman. If her mate asked her, she’d have to tell him. No one will ask a medicine woman. If a man ever found out, he would forbid it. Do you understand?”
“Yes, mother,” Ayla nodded, surprised at Iza’s secrecy and very curious.
“I didn’t think you’d ever need to know this for yourself, but you should know it as a medicine woman anyway. Sometimes, if a woman has a very difficult birth, it’s best if she never has any more children. A medicine woman can give her the medicine without ever telling her what it is. There are other reasons that a woman might not want a child. Some plants have special magic, Ayla. They make a woman’s totem very strong, strong enough to stop a new life from ever starting.”
“You know magic to prevent pregnancy, Iza? Can a weak woman’s totem become that strong? Any totem? Even if a mog-ur makes a charm to give strength to a man’s totem?”
“Yes, Ayla. That’s why a man must never find out. I used it myself after I was mated. I didn’t like my mate; I wanted him to give me to another man. I thought if I never had children, he wouldn’t want to keep me,” Iza confessed.
“But you did have a child.