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I know thy constellation is right apt

For this affair. Some four or five attend him-

All, if you will, for I myself am best

When least in company. Prosper well in this,

And thou shalt live as freely as thy lord

To call his fortunes thine.

VIOLA.

I'll do my best

To woo your lady. [Aside] Yet, a barful strife!

Whoe'er I woo, myself would be his wife.

SCENE V. OLIVIA'S house

Enter MARIA and CLOWN

MARIA.

Nay, either tell me where thou hast been, or I will not open

my lips so wide as a bristle may enter in way of thy excuse; my

lady will hang thee for thy absence.

CLOWN.

Let her hang me. He that is well hang'd in this world needs

to fear no colours.

MARIA.

Make that good.

CLOWN.

He shall see none to fear.

MARIA.

A good lenten answer. I can tell thee where that saying was

born, of 'I fear no colours.'

CLOWN.

Where, good Mistress Mary?

MARIA.

In the wars; and that may you be bold to say in your foolery.

CLOWN.

Well, God give them wisdom that have it; and those that are

fools, let them use their talents.

MARIA.

Yet you will be hang'd for being so long absent; or to be

turn'd away- is not that as good as a hanging to you?

CLOWN.

Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage; and for turning

away, let summer bear it out.

MARIA.

You are resolute, then?

CLOWN.

Not so, neither; but I am resolv'd on two points.

MARIA.

That if one break, the other will hold; or if both break,

your gaskins fall.

CLOWN.

Apt, in good faith, very apt! Well, go thy way; if Sir Toby

would leave drinking, thou wert as witty a piece of Eve's flesh

as any in Illyria.

MARIA.

Peace, you rogue, no more o' that. Here comes my lady.

Make

your excuse wisely, you were best. Exit

Enter OLIVIA and MALVOLIO

CLOWN.

Wit, an't be thy will, put me into good fooling! Those wits

that think they have thee do very oft prove fools; and I that am

sure I lack thee may pass for a wise man. For what says

Quinapalus? 'Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.' God bless thee, lady!

OLIVIA.

Take the fool away.

CLOWN.

Do you not hear, fellows? Take away the lady.

OLIVIA.

Go to, y'are a dry fool; I'll no more of you. Besides,

you grow dishonest.

CLOWN.

Two faults, madonna, that drink and good counsel will amend;

for give the dry fool drink, then is the fool not dry. Bid the

dishonest man mend himself: if he mend, he is no longer

dishonest; if he cannot, let the botcher mend him. Anything

that's mended is but patch'd; virtue that transgresses is but

patch'd with sin, and sin that amends is but patch'd with virtue.

If that this simple syllogism will serve, so; if it will not,

what remedy? As there is no true cuckold but calamity, so

beauty's a flower. The lady bade take away the fool;

therefore, I

say again, take her away.

OLIVIA.

Sir, I bade them take away you.

CLOWN.

Misprision in the highest degree! Lady, 'Cucullus non facit

monachum'; that's as much to say as I wear not motley in my

brain. Good madonna, give me leave to prove you a fool.

OLIVIA.

Can you do it?

CLOWN.

Dexteriously, good madonna.

OLIVIA.

Make your proof.

CLOWN.

I must catechize you for it, madonna.

Good my mouse of virtue, answer me.

OLIVIA.

Well, sir, for want of other idleness, I'll bide your proof.

CLOWN.

Good madonna, why mourn'st thou?

OLIVIA.

Good fool, for my brother's death.

CLOWN.

I think his soul is in hell, madonna.

OLIVIA.

I know his soul is in heaven, fool.

CLOWN.

The more fool, madonna, to mourn for your brother's soul

being in heaven. Take away the fool, gentlemen.

OLIVIA.

What think you of this fool, Malvolio? Doth he not mend?

MALVOLIO.

Yes, and shall do, till the pangs of death shake him.

Infirmity, that decays the wise, doth ever make the better fool.

CLOWN.

God send you, sir, a speedy infirmity, for the better

increasing your folly! Sir Toby will be sworn that I am no fox;

but he will not pass his word for twopence that you are no fool.

OLIVIA.

How say you to that, Malvolio?

MALVOLIO.

I marvel