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SIR TOBY.

No question.

AGUECHEEK.

An I thought that, I'd forswear it. I'll ride home

to-morrow, Sir Toby.

SIR TOBY.

Pourquoi, my dear knight?

AGUECHEEK.

What is 'pourquoi'- do or not do? I would I had bestowed

that time in the tongues that I have in fencing, dancing, and

bear-baiting. Oh, had I but followed the arts!

SIR TOBY.

Then hadst thou had an excellent head of hair.

AGUECHEEK.

Why, would that have mended my hair?

SIR TOBY.

Past question; for thou seest it will not curl by nature.

AGUECHEEK.

But it becomes me well enough, does't not?

SIR TOBY.

Excellent; it hangs like flax on a distaff, and I

hope to

see a huswife take thee between her legs and spin it off.

AGUECHEEK.

Faith, I'll home to-morrow, Sir Toby. Your niece will

not be seen, or if she be, it's four to one she'll none of me;

the Count himself here hard by woos her.

SIR TOBY.

She'll none o' th' Count; she'll not match above her

degree, neither in estate, years, nor wit; I have heard her

swear't. Tut, there's life in't, man.

AGUECHEEK.

I'll stay a month longer. I am a fellow o' th' strangest

mind i' th' world; I delight in masques and revels sometimes altogether.

SIR TOBY.

Art thou good at these kickshawses, knight?

AGUECHEEK.

As any man in Illyria, whatsoever he be, under the

degree of my betters; and yet I will not compare with an old man.

SIR TOBY.

What is thy excellence in a galliard, knight?

AGUECHEEK.

Faith, I can cut a caper.

SIR TOBY.

And I can cut the mutton to't.

AGUECHEEK.

And I think I have the back-trick simply as strong as

any man in Illyria.

SIR TOBY.

Wherefore are these things hid? Wherefore have these

gifts a curtain before 'em? Are they like to take dust, like

Mistress Mall's picture? Why dost thou not go to church in a

galliard and come home in a coranto? My very walk should be a

jig; I would not so much as make water but in a sink-a-pace.

What

dost thou mean? Is it a world to hide virtues in? I did think, by

the excellent constitution of thy leg, it was form'd under the

star of a galliard.

AGUECHEEK.

Ay, 'tis strong, and it does indifferent well in

flame-colour'd stock. Shall we set about some revels?

SIR TOBY.

What shall we do else? Were we not born under Taurus?

AGUECHEEK.

Taurus? That's sides and heart.

SIR TOBY.

No, sir; it is legs and thighs. Let me see the caper.

Ha,

higher! Ha, ha, excellent! Exeunt

SCENE IV. The DUKE'S palace

Enter VALENTINE, and VIOLA in man's attire

VALENTINE.

If the Duke continue these favours towards you,

Cesario,

you are like to be much advanc'd; he hath known you but three

days, and already you are no stranger.

VIOLA.

You either fear his humour or my negligence, that you call

in question the continuance of his love. Is he inconstant,

sir,

in his favours?

VALENTINE.

No, believe me.

Enter DUKE, CURIO, and ATTENDANTS

VIOLA.

I thank you. Here comes the Count.

DUKE.

Who saw Cesario, ho?

VIOLA.

On your attendance, my lord, here.

DUKE.

Stand you awhile aloof. Cesario,

Thou know'st no less but all; I have unclasp'd

To thee the book even of my secret soul.

Therefore, good youth, address thy gait unto her;

Be not denied access, stand at her doors,

And tell them there thy fixed foot shall grow

Till thou have audience.

VIOLA.

Sure, my noble lord,

If she be so abandon'd to her sorrow

As it is spoke, she never will admit me.

DUKE.

Be clamorous and leap all civil bounds,

Rather than make unprofited return.

VIOLA.

Say I do speak with her, my lord, what then?

DUKE.

O, then unfold the passion of my love,

Surprise her with discourse of my dear faith!

It shall become thee well to act my woes:

She will attend it better in thy youth

Than in a nuncio's of more grave aspect.

VIOLA.

I think not so, my lord.

DUKE.

Dear lad, believe it,

For they shall yet belie thy happy years

That say thou art a man: Diana's lip

Is not more smooth and rubious; thy small pipe

Is as the maiden's organ, shrill and sound,

And all is semblative