• Choose a category
• All
• Classic-Fiction

hat, a muffler, and a kerchief, and so escape.

FALSTAFF.

Good hearts, devise something; any extremity

rather than a mischief.

MRS.

FORD. My Maid's aunt, the fat woman of Brainford, has a gown above.

MRS.

PAGE. On my word, it will serve him; she's as big as he

is; and there's her thrumm'd hat, and her muffler too. Run

up, Sir John.

MRS.

FORD. Go, go, sweet Sir John. Mistress Page and I will

look some linen for your head.

MRS.

PAGE. Quick, quick; we'll come dress you straight. Put

on the gown the while. Exit FALSTAFF

MRS.

FORD. I would my husband would meet him in this

shape; he cannot abide the old woman of Brainford; he

swears she's a witch, forbade her my house, and hath

threat'ned to beat her.

MRS.

PAGE. Heaven guide him to thy husband's cudgel; and

the devil guide his cudgel afterwards!

MRS.

FORD. But is my husband coming?

MRS.

PAGE. Ay, in good sadness is he; and talks of the basket

too, howsoever he hath had intelligence.

MRS.

FORD. We'll try that; for I'll appoint my men to carry

the basket again, to meet him at the door with it as they did last time.

MRS.

PAGE. Nay, but he'll be here presently; let's go dress

him like the witch of Brainford.

MRS.

FORD. I'll first direct my men what they shall do with

the basket. Go up; I'll bring linen for him straight. Exit

MRS. PAGE. Hang him, dishonest varlet! we cannot misuse him enough.

We'll leave a proof, by that which we will do,

Wives may be merry and yet honest too.

We do not act that often jest and laugh;

'Tis old but true: Still swine eats all the draff. Exit

Re-enter MISTRESS FORD, with two SERVANTS

MRS.

FORD. Go, sirs, take the basket again on your shoulders;

your master is hard at door; if he bid you set it down, obey

him; quickly, dispatch. Exit

FIRST SERVANT. Come, come, take it up.

SECOND SERVANT.

Pray heaven it be not full of knight again.

FIRST SERVANT.

I hope not; I had lief as bear so much lead.

Enter FORD, PAGE, SHALLOW, CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS

FORD.

Ay, but if it prove true, Master Page, have you any

way then to unfool me again? Set down the basket, villain!

Somebody call my wife. Youth in a basket! O you panderly

rascals, there's a knot, a ging, a pack, a conspiracy

against me. Now shall the devil be sham'd. What, wife, I

say! Come, come forth; behold what honest clothes you

send forth to bleaching.

PAGE.

Why, this passes, Master Ford; you are not to go loose

any longer; you must be pinion'd.

EVANS.

Why, this is lunatics. This is mad as a mad dog.

SHALLOW.

Indeed, Master Ford, this is not well, indeed.

FORD.

So say I too, sir.

Re-enter MISTRESS FORD

Come hither, Mistress Ford; Mistress Ford, the honest

woman, the modest wife, the virtuous creature, that hath

the jealous fool to her husband! I suspect without cause,

Mistress, do I?

MRS.

FORD. Heaven be my witness, you do, if you suspect

me in any dishonesty.

FORD.

Well said, brazen-face; hold it out. Come forth, sirrah.

[Pulling clothes out of the basket]

PAGE.

This passes!

MRS.

FORD. Are you not asham'd? Let the clothes alone.

FORD.

I shall find you anon.

EVANS.

'Tis unreasonable. Will you take up your wife's

clothes? Come away.

FORD.

Empty the basket, I say.

MRS.

FORD. Why, man, why?

FORD.

Master Page, as I am a man, there was one convey'd

out of my house yesterday in this basket. Why may not

he be there again? In my house I am sure he is; my

intelligence is true; my jealousy is reasonable.

Pluck me out all the linen.

MRS.

FORD. If you find a man there, he shall die a flea's death.

PAGE.

Here's no man.

SHALLOW.

By my fidelity, this is not well, Master Ford; this wrongs you.

EVANS.

Master Ford, you must pray, and not follow the

imaginations of your own heart; this is jealousies.

FORD.

Well, he's not here I seek for.

PAGE.

No, nor nowhere else but in your brain.

FORD.

Help to search my house this one time. If I find not

what I seek, show no colour for my extremity; let me for

ever be your table sport; let them say