• Choose a category
• All
• Classic-Fiction

he'll

speak like an Anthropophaginian unto thee. Knock, I say.

SIMPLE.

There's an old woman, a fat woman, gone up into

his chamber; I'll be so bold as stay, sir, till she come down;

I come to speak with her, indeed.

HOST.

Ha! a fat woman? The knight may be robb'd. I'll call.

Bully knight! Bully Sir John! Speak from thy lungs

military. Art thou there? It is thine host, thine Ephesian, calls.

FALSTAFF.

[Above] How now, mine host?

HOST.

Here's a Bohemian-Tartar tarries the coming down of

thy fat woman. Let her descend, bully, let her descend;

my chambers are honourible. Fie, privacy, fie!

Enter FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF.

There was, mine host, an old fat woman even

now with, me; but she's gone.

SIMPLE.

Pray you, sir, was't not the wise woman of Brainford?

FALSTAFF.

Ay, marry was it, mussel-shell. What would you with her?

SIMPLE.

My master, sir, my Master Slender, sent to her,

seeing her go thorough the streets, to know, sir, whether one

Nym, sir, that beguil'd him of a chain, had the chain or no.

FALSTAFF.

I spake with the old woman about it.

SIMPLE.

And what says she, I pray, sir?

FALSTAFF Marry, she says that the very same man that

beguil'd Master Slender of his chain cozen'd him of it.

SIMPLE.

I would I could have spoken with the woman

herself; I had other things to have spoken with her too,

from him.

FALSTAFF.

What are they? Let us know.

HOST.

Ay, come; quick.

SIMPLE.

I may not conceal them, sir.

FALSTAFF.

Conceal them, or thou diest.

SIMPLE.. Why, sir, they were nothing but about Mistress

Anne Page: to know if it were my master's fortune to have her or no.

FALSTAFF.

'Tis, 'tis his fortune.

SIMPLE.

What sir?

FALSTAFF.

To have her, or no. Go; say the woman told me so.

SIMPLE.

May I be bold to say so, sir?

FALSTAFF.

Ay, sir, like who more bold?

SIMPLE., I thank your worship; I shall make my master glad

with these tidings. Exit SIMPLE

HOST.

Thou art clerkly, thou art clerkly, Sir John. Was

there a wise woman with thee?

FALSTAFF.

Ay, that there was, mine host; one that hath

taught me more wit than ever I learn'd before in my life;

and I paid nothing for it neither, but was paid for my learning.

Enter BARDOLPH

BARDOLPH.

Out, alas, sir, cozenage, mere cozenage!

HOST.

Where be my horses? Speak well of them, varletto.

BARDOLPH.

Run away with the cozeners; for so soon as I

came beyond Eton, they threw me off from behind one of

them, in a slough of mire; and set spurs and away, like

three German devils, three Doctor Faustuses.

HOST.

They are gone but to meet the Duke, villain; do not

say they be fled. Germans are honest men.

Enter SIR HUGH EVANS

EVANS.

Where is mine host?

HOST.

What is the matter, sir?

EVANS.

Have a care of your entertainments. There is a friend

of mine come to town tells me there is three

cozen-germans that has cozen'd all the hosts of Readins,

of Maidenhead, of Colebrook, of horses and money. I tell you for

good will, look you; you are wise, and full of gibes and

vlouting-stogs, and 'tis not convenient you should be

cozened. Fare you well. Exit

Enter DOCTOR CAIUS

CAIUS.

Vere is mine host de Jarteer?

HOST.

Here, Master Doctor, in perplexity and doubtful dilemma.

CAIUS.

I cannot tell vat is dat; but it is tell-a me dat you

make grand preparation for a Duke de Jamany. By my

trot, dere is no duke that the court is know to come; I

tell you for good will. Adieu. Exit

HOST. Hue and cry, villain, go! Assist me, knight; I am

undone. Fly, run, hue and cry, villain; I am undone.

Exeunt HOST and BARDOLPH

FALSTAFF.

I would all the world might be cozen'd, for I have

been cozen'd and beaten too. If it should come to the car

of the court how I have been transformed, and how my

transformation hath been wash'd and cudgell'd, they

would melt me out of my fat, drop by drop, and liquor

fishermen's boots with me; I warrant they would whip me

with their fine wits till I were as crestfall'n as a dried pear.

I never prosper'd since