The Contrast [13]
Mr. Jonathan, you Massachusetts men always argued with a gun in your hand. Why didn't you join them?
JONATHAN
Why, the colonel is one of those folks called the Shin--Shin--dang it all, I can't speak them lignum vitae words--you know who I mean--there is a com- pany of them--they wear a china goose at their button-hole--a kind of gilt thing.--Now the colonel told father and brother,--you must know there are, let me see--there is Elnathan, Silas, and Barnabas, Tabitha--no, no, she's a she--tarnation, now I have it--there's Elnathan, Silas, Barnabas, Jonathan, that's I--seven of us, six went into the wars, and I staid at home to take care of mother. Colonel said that it was a burning shame for the true blue Bunker Hill sons of liberty, who had fought Governor Hutchinson, Lord North, and the Devil, to have any hand in kicking up a cursed dust against a government which we had, every mother's son of us, a hand in making.
JESSAMY
Bravo!--Well, have you been abroad in the city since your arrival? What have you seen that is curious and entertaining?
JONATHAN
Oh! I have seen a power of fine sights. I went to see two marble-stone men and a leaden horse that stands out in doors in all weathers; and when I came where they was, one had got no head, and t'other wern't there. They said as how the leaden man was a damn'd tory, and that he took wit in his anger and rode off in the time of the troubles.
JESSAMY
But this was not the end of your excursion?
JONATHAN
Oh, no; I went to a place they call Holy Ground. Now I counted this was a place where folks go to meeting; so I put my hymn-book in my pocket, and walked softly and grave as a minister; and when I came there, the dogs a bit of a meeting-house could I see. At last I spied a young gentlewoman standing by one of the seats which they have here at the doors. I took her to be the deacon's daughter, and she looked so kind, and so obliging, that I thought I would go and ask her the way to lecture, and--would you think it?--she called me dear, and sweeting, and honey, just as if we were married: by the living jingo, I had a month's mind to buss her.
JESSAMY
Well, but how did it end?
JONATHAN
Why, as I was standing talking with her, a parcel of sailor men and boys got round me, the snarl-headed curs fell a-kicking and cursing of me at such a tarnal rate, that I vow I was glad to take to my heels and split home, right off, tail on end, like a stream of chalk.
JESSAMY
Why, my dear friend, you are not acquainted with the city; that girl you saw was a--[whispers.]
JONATHAN
Mercy on my soul! was that young woman a harlot!--Well! if this is New-York Holy Ground, what must the Holy-day Ground be!
JESSAMY
Well, you should not judge of the city too rashly. We have a number of elegant, fine girls here that make a man's leisure hours pass very agreeably. I would esteem it an honour to announce you to some of them.--Gad! that announce is a select word; I won- der where I picked it up.
JONATHAN
I don't want to know them.
JESSAMY
Come, come, my dear friend, I see that I must assume the honour of being the director of your amuse- ments. Nature has given us passions, and youth and opportunity stimulate to gratify them. It is no shame, my dear Blueskin, for a man to amuse himself with a little gallantry.
JONATHAN
Girl huntry! I don't altogether understand. I never played at that game. I know how to play hunt the squirrel, but I can't play anything with the girls; I am as good as married.
JESSAMY
Vulgar, horrid brute! Married, and above a hun- dred miles from his wife, and thinks that an objection to his making love to every woman he meets! He never can have read, no, he never can have been in a room with a volume of the divine Chesterfield.--So you are married?
JONATHAN
No, I don't say so; I said I was as good as mar- ried, a kind of promise.
JESSAMY
As good as married!--
JONATHAN
Why, yes; there's Tabitha Wymen, the deacon's daughter, at home; she and I have been
JONATHAN
Why, the colonel is one of those folks called the Shin--Shin--dang it all, I can't speak them lignum vitae words--you know who I mean--there is a com- pany of them--they wear a china goose at their button-hole--a kind of gilt thing.--Now the colonel told father and brother,--you must know there are, let me see--there is Elnathan, Silas, and Barnabas, Tabitha--no, no, she's a she--tarnation, now I have it--there's Elnathan, Silas, Barnabas, Jonathan, that's I--seven of us, six went into the wars, and I staid at home to take care of mother. Colonel said that it was a burning shame for the true blue Bunker Hill sons of liberty, who had fought Governor Hutchinson, Lord North, and the Devil, to have any hand in kicking up a cursed dust against a government which we had, every mother's son of us, a hand in making.
JESSAMY
Bravo!--Well, have you been abroad in the city since your arrival? What have you seen that is curious and entertaining?
JONATHAN
Oh! I have seen a power of fine sights. I went to see two marble-stone men and a leaden horse that stands out in doors in all weathers; and when I came where they was, one had got no head, and t'other wern't there. They said as how the leaden man was a damn'd tory, and that he took wit in his anger and rode off in the time of the troubles.
JESSAMY
But this was not the end of your excursion?
JONATHAN
Oh, no; I went to a place they call Holy Ground. Now I counted this was a place where folks go to meeting; so I put my hymn-book in my pocket, and walked softly and grave as a minister; and when I came there, the dogs a bit of a meeting-house could I see. At last I spied a young gentlewoman standing by one of the seats which they have here at the doors. I took her to be the deacon's daughter, and she looked so kind, and so obliging, that I thought I would go and ask her the way to lecture, and--would you think it?--she called me dear, and sweeting, and honey, just as if we were married: by the living jingo, I had a month's mind to buss her.
JESSAMY
Well, but how did it end?
JONATHAN
Why, as I was standing talking with her, a parcel of sailor men and boys got round me, the snarl-headed curs fell a-kicking and cursing of me at such a tarnal rate, that I vow I was glad to take to my heels and split home, right off, tail on end, like a stream of chalk.
JESSAMY
Why, my dear friend, you are not acquainted with the city; that girl you saw was a--[whispers.]
JONATHAN
Mercy on my soul! was that young woman a harlot!--Well! if this is New-York Holy Ground, what must the Holy-day Ground be!
JESSAMY
Well, you should not judge of the city too rashly. We have a number of elegant, fine girls here that make a man's leisure hours pass very agreeably. I would esteem it an honour to announce you to some of them.--Gad! that announce is a select word; I won- der where I picked it up.
JONATHAN
I don't want to know them.
JESSAMY
Come, come, my dear friend, I see that I must assume the honour of being the director of your amuse- ments. Nature has given us passions, and youth and opportunity stimulate to gratify them. It is no shame, my dear Blueskin, for a man to amuse himself with a little gallantry.
JONATHAN
Girl huntry! I don't altogether understand. I never played at that game. I know how to play hunt the squirrel, but I can't play anything with the girls; I am as good as married.
JESSAMY
Vulgar, horrid brute! Married, and above a hun- dred miles from his wife, and thinks that an objection to his making love to every woman he meets! He never can have read, no, he never can have been in a room with a volume of the divine Chesterfield.--So you are married?
JONATHAN
No, I don't say so; I said I was as good as mar- ried, a kind of promise.
JESSAMY
As good as married!--
JONATHAN
Why, yes; there's Tabitha Wymen, the deacon's daughter, at home; she and I have been