The Contrast [9]
contains many costly things, arranged with the most scrupulous nicety, yet the misfortune is that they are too delicate, costly, and antiquated for com- mon use.
LETITIA
By what I can pick out of your flowery description, your brother is no beau.
CHARLOTTE
No, indeed; he makes no pretension to the char- acter. He'd ride, or rather fly, an hundred miles to relieve a distressed object, or to do a gallant act in the service of his country; but should you drop your fan or bouquet in his presence, it is ten to one that some beau at the farther end of the room would have the honour of presenting it to you before he had observed that it fell. I'll tell you one of his antiquated, anti- gallant notions. He said once in my presence, in a room full of company,--would you believe it?--in a large circle of ladies, that the best evidence a gentle- man could give a young lady of his respect and affec- tion was to endeavour in a friendly manner to rectify her foibles. I protest I was crimson to the eyes, upon reflecting that I was known as his sister.
LETITIA
Insupportable creature! tell a lady of her faults! if he is so grave, I fear I have no chance of captivating him.
CHARLOTTE
His conversation is like a rich, old-fashioned bro- cade,--it will stand alone; every sentence is a sen- timent. Now you may judge what a time I had with him, in my twelve months' visit to my father. He read me such lectures, out of pure brotherly affec- tion, against the extremes of fashion, dress, flirting, and coquetry, and all the other dear things which he knows I doat upon, that I protest his conversation made me as melancholy as if I had been at church; and heaven knows, though I never prayed to go there but on one occasion, yet I would have exchanged his conversa- tion for a psalm and a sermon. Church is rather melancholy, to be sure; but then I can ogle the beaux, and be regaled with "here endeth the first lesson," but his brotherly here, you would think had no end. You captivate him! Why, my dear, he would as soon fall in love with a box of Italian flowers. There is Maria, now, if she were not engaged, she might do something. Oh! how I should like to see that pair of pensorosos together, looking as grave as two sailors' wives of a stormy night, with a flow of sentiment meandering through their conversation like purling streams in modern poetry.
LETITIA
Oh! my dear fanciful--
CHARLOTTE
Hush! I hear some person coming through the entry.
Enter SERVANT.
SERVANT.
Madam, there's a gentleman below who calls him- self Colonel Manly; do you chuse to be at home?
CHARLOTTE
Shew him in. [Exit Servant.] Now for a sober face. Enter Colonel MANLY.
MANLY
My dear Charlotte, I am happy that I once more enfold you within the arms of fraternal affection. I know you are going to ask (amiable impatience!) how our parents do,--the venerable pair transmit you their blessing by me. They totter on the verge of a well-spent life, and wish only to see their children settled in the world, to depart in peace.
CHARLOTTE
I am very happy to hear that they are well. [Coolly.] Brother, will you give me leave to introduce you to our uncle's ward, one of my most intimate friends?
MANLY [saluting Letitia].
I ought to regard your friends as my own.
CHARLOTTE
Come, Letitia, do give us a little dash of your vivacity; my brother is so sentimental and so grave, that I protest he'll give us the vapours.
MANLY
Though sentiment and gravity, I know, are ban- ished the polite world, yet I hoped they might find some countenance in the meeting of such near con- nections as brother and sister.
CHARLOTTE
Positively, brother, if you go one step further in this strain, you will set me crying, and that, you know, would spoil my eyes; and then I should never get the husband which our good papa and mamma have so kindly wished me--never be established in the world.
MANLY
Forgive me, my sister,--I am no enemy to mirth; I love your sprightliness; and I hope it will one
LETITIA
By what I can pick out of your flowery description, your brother is no beau.
CHARLOTTE
No, indeed; he makes no pretension to the char- acter. He'd ride, or rather fly, an hundred miles to relieve a distressed object, or to do a gallant act in the service of his country; but should you drop your fan or bouquet in his presence, it is ten to one that some beau at the farther end of the room would have the honour of presenting it to you before he had observed that it fell. I'll tell you one of his antiquated, anti- gallant notions. He said once in my presence, in a room full of company,--would you believe it?--in a large circle of ladies, that the best evidence a gentle- man could give a young lady of his respect and affec- tion was to endeavour in a friendly manner to rectify her foibles. I protest I was crimson to the eyes, upon reflecting that I was known as his sister.
LETITIA
Insupportable creature! tell a lady of her faults! if he is so grave, I fear I have no chance of captivating him.
CHARLOTTE
His conversation is like a rich, old-fashioned bro- cade,--it will stand alone; every sentence is a sen- timent. Now you may judge what a time I had with him, in my twelve months' visit to my father. He read me such lectures, out of pure brotherly affec- tion, against the extremes of fashion, dress, flirting, and coquetry, and all the other dear things which he knows I doat upon, that I protest his conversation made me as melancholy as if I had been at church; and heaven knows, though I never prayed to go there but on one occasion, yet I would have exchanged his conversa- tion for a psalm and a sermon. Church is rather melancholy, to be sure; but then I can ogle the beaux, and be regaled with "here endeth the first lesson," but his brotherly here, you would think had no end. You captivate him! Why, my dear, he would as soon fall in love with a box of Italian flowers. There is Maria, now, if she were not engaged, she might do something. Oh! how I should like to see that pair of pensorosos together, looking as grave as two sailors' wives of a stormy night, with a flow of sentiment meandering through their conversation like purling streams in modern poetry.
LETITIA
Oh! my dear fanciful--
CHARLOTTE
Hush! I hear some person coming through the entry.
Enter SERVANT.
SERVANT.
Madam, there's a gentleman below who calls him- self Colonel Manly; do you chuse to be at home?
CHARLOTTE
Shew him in. [Exit Servant.] Now for a sober face. Enter Colonel MANLY.
MANLY
My dear Charlotte, I am happy that I once more enfold you within the arms of fraternal affection. I know you are going to ask (amiable impatience!) how our parents do,--the venerable pair transmit you their blessing by me. They totter on the verge of a well-spent life, and wish only to see their children settled in the world, to depart in peace.
CHARLOTTE
I am very happy to hear that they are well. [Coolly.] Brother, will you give me leave to introduce you to our uncle's ward, one of my most intimate friends?
MANLY [saluting Letitia].
I ought to regard your friends as my own.
CHARLOTTE
Come, Letitia, do give us a little dash of your vivacity; my brother is so sentimental and so grave, that I protest he'll give us the vapours.
MANLY
Though sentiment and gravity, I know, are ban- ished the polite world, yet I hoped they might find some countenance in the meeting of such near con- nections as brother and sister.
CHARLOTTE
Positively, brother, if you go one step further in this strain, you will set me crying, and that, you know, would spoil my eyes; and then I should never get the husband which our good papa and mamma have so kindly wished me--never be established in the world.
MANLY
Forgive me, my sister,--I am no enemy to mirth; I love your sprightliness; and I hope it will one