The Dark Side of Disney - Leonard Kinsey [25]
HAVING FUN WITHOUT SPENDING A DIME
Did you know that you could have an entirely fun-filled vacation at Walt Disney World without ever setting foot in the parks? While this isn’t something Disney advertises (because they want you to spend a ton of cash on park tickets), the resorts in particular offer enough amenities to make even the most jaded traveler squeal like an infant. Hell, you don’t even have to stay at one of the resorts to take advantage of some of these activities; just stay at a fleabag offsite, make a dining reservation at your favorite resort, and then drive over and park there!
I’ve had many fun days just going around to the various WDW resorts, checking out the architecture, visiting their restaurants and food courts, and getting completely blasted at the various themed bars. The busses can take you from any park to any resort, or if you don’t want to buy park tickets you can use Downtown Disney as a hub for catching busses to the resorts. Alternately you can do “themed” tours, such as the Resort Monorail tour of The Contemporary, Polynesian, and Grand Floridian, or walk around the Epcot Resorts (Yacht and Beach Clubs, Boardwalk, and The Swan and Dolphin).
Here are my Resort Hopping highlights:
Monorail Bar Crawl:
There are some massively awesome bars on the Resort Monorail loop at The Magic Kingdom, and if you start at around 6PM you can work in a whole night of boozing that rivals any hotspot nightclub locale on the planet.
I like to start at The Wave in The Contemporary. Over to the right side of the restaurant there’s a super-cool blue-lit area that is something straight out of Star Trek. If you time it right you can go from there to the bar at The California Grill and watch the Magic Kingdom’s fireworks. Disregard what everyone says about this place: you do NOT need to check in at the lobby to get access to this restaurant. Just take the elevator up to the 15th floor, walk past the host/ess, and take a seat at the bar. Order some sushi while you’re at it!
After that it’s over to The Polynesian for tiki drinks at The Tambu Lounge! This place is crowded earlier in the evening with people waiting for their reservations at Ohana’s, which is right next door. But after the fireworks it clears out a bit and you can sit back with a Mai Tai in a shelled-out pineapple (the Lapu Lapu) and listen to a Don Ho impersonator while eating tasty appetizers. Heaven. And if you want, you can even take your drink out to the beach and watch the waves lap against the sand while you lap up some more rum concoctions.
A Mai Tai from the Tambu Lounge at The Polynesian
The final stop is Mizner’s Lounge at The Grand Floridian. Wind down with one of their fine ports while listening to the big band or lobby pianist. This place looks a little stuffy, but don’t let that stop you; there’s a great view of the GF gardens, and most importantly (and rare for WDW) FREE MOTHERFUCKING NUTS! As long as you’re ordering their overpriced drinks don’t be shy about requesting more and more nuts!
Unfortunately, Mizner’s, along with the rest of the WDW bars, closes at 12AM. So if you’re still in a party mood at that time you’re going to have to go elsewhere. Fuckers.
Free Boat Rides:
For some reason, even though I’m not a big fan of going boating in the ocean, I absolutely love riding around in the boats at WDW. And luckily, most of those boat rides are free, and very scenic. Two in particular are pretty outstanding. First is the Sassagoula River Cruise from Port Orleans to Downtown Disney. It’s nice and long (2.5 miles – about 25 minutes), goes past a lot of woods (and the new Treehouse Villas), isn’t choppy at all, and there aren’t a ton of stops to break the calm (just one at French Quarter).
The second is the ride from The Magic Kingdom to The Wilderness Lodge. It’s a little choppier since it’s on a lake and not a canal, but during