The Dark Side of Disney - Leonard Kinsey [27]
So what carnal opportunities does Disney offer to those of us who see Snow White or Prince Charming (or for the Furries out there, Miriam from Robin Hood) as carnal objects of lust?
First, let’s focus on those who go to the land with a partner. Assuming you’re not too worn down by a day of commando park touring, there are plenty of wonderful places in and around the parks for some seriously awesome shagging.
At the Resorts:
This is a given, especially if you have a 1 or 2 bedroom at one of the DVC properties (hot tub!). The beds are super comfortable (you did check for bedbugs, right?) and while the walls are a bit thin and you might get some complaints if you’re knocking boots all hours of the night, the privacy factor is definitely a plus for the more conservative folks out there. Of course, you can still be a little daring in your room, since the deluxe resorts all have lovely balconies, perfect for a semi-public snog. Blowjob while watching the Illuminations fireworks? Multitasking at its finest! But come on, you can have sex in a hotel room anywhere in the world. You’re in Disney, live a little!
Elsewhere at the resort hotels:
Most of the deluxe resorts have plenty of secluded spots, from the beaches of The Grand Floridian and the Yacht and Beach Club to wooded alcoves at The Wilderness Lodge and Treehouse Villas, but The Polynesian takes the cake. With tropical plants, waterfalls, and a cool breeze coming off of Bay Lake, the Polynesian might be the biggest man-made aphrodisiac ever created. There are literally dozens of beautiful secluded spots here, be it on the beach or in the midst of some greenery. If this place can’t get your blood pumping you’re probably dead. This author has brought numerous dates there, and sitting on a swing at the beach, watching the fireworks and the Electric Light Parade has always managed to seal the deal.
Great place to watch the Wishes fireworks… while having sex
Prime Polynesian spot for nighttime sex
Another popular spot for public fornication at the resorts seems to be the hot tubs at the pools. Personally, this seems a bit disgusting, not so much for you, but for the poor person who gets in there after you’ve finished your business. Show some respect for your fellow vacationers, people!
Just… no. Don’t have sex here.
Finally, a secret spot. Don’t tell anybody. If you’ve ever been lucky enough to eat at the California Grill on the 15th floor of The Contemporary, you probably know that you can see the fireworks at The Magic Kingdom perfectly from the windows. But did you know that there’s another, more private viewing area on that same floor? Follow the corridor to the right of the elevator down to a set of doors. The doors open to a huge outside balcony that nobody visits except to watch the fireworks at MK. Sex as the monorail glides under your feet is quite the experience. Tip: if there are people on that level, you can simply take the outside stairway to the next balcony down, which offers the same view and is actually even more secluded.
Any 4 of these balconies are prime sex spots
The hallway from California Grill to the balconies
The top right balcony – note the incredible view of MK
The balcony below, looking over to the opposite side
In the Parks:
By definition, if you’re having sex in one of the parks you’re having sex in public, which is illegal and if you’re caught will likely get you thrown out and possibly arrested. Also be aware that the majority of the rides in the World are almost 100% monitored by cameras. Now, while that will excite the hardcore exhibitionists out there, some of you might not appreciate the fact that a pimply-faced cast member and all of his friends will be using a video copy of your escapades as spank material. Finally, there are kids everywhere! Be discrete, and don’t traumatize some poor child for life because you decided it would be fun to hump Goofy’s leg. Not cool!
With those caveats out of the way, sex in the parks is a unique experience that you