The Dark Side of Disney - Leonard Kinsey [29]
Entrance to secret trail via exit of “Tough to be a Bug”
The secret AK trail
A flash-illuminated sex hideaway on the AK trail
7. Journey Into Your Imagination. A few sources in the know claim that there are no cameras on this ride, much like there weren’t in the long defunct Horizons ride. Since Journey has been butchered into a boring shell of its former self, there’s really nothing better to do on this ride than have some “imaginative” sex.
Nobody rides this thing, might as well have sex
8. The Utilidors at MK or Backstage at Epcot. “Wait, what?!” you gasp. “You’re not even supposed to be there to begin with! How is this a good place to have sex?” Well, as far as gaining access to the tunnels or backstage, read the tips and tricks later in the book. Once you get there and realize nobody gives a shit, you’ll find a massive network of tunnels at MK with dozens of forgotten storage rooms, and all sorts of strange abandoned hideaways at Epcot where you should have no trouble finding a private spot to get your groove on.
9. Any of the dark rides, especially Haunted Mansion and Pirates of the Caribbean. Look, you’re just asking for trouble here. There are cameras everywhere, and if you’re even so much as making out you’ll hear a cast member telling you over the speakers to cut it out. If you persist, they’ll stop the ride and escort you out. But I’m sure some of you are going to do it anyway, so if you do, be as discrete as possible, hopefully settling for a handy or fingerbang under a jacket.
Example of one of the camera monitoring stations at WDW
A cast member tells the story of how he was working evening EMH hours at Mansion, around 1:30AM. “A couple came in giggling, and they were the only people who’d come in for at least five minutes so they had the ride all to themselves. We knew pretty much right away what was going to happen, so after they got on the ride we kept our eyes glued to the cameras. They put on the craziest XXX-rated show we’d ever seen! It’s not like you can do it in a normal position in the ride vehicles anyway, but they were all over the place! When they got off the ride we all stood there and gave them a round of applause. The girl was blushing like crazy but the guy seemed to love it and gave us all high-fives!”
Honorable mention: Skyway. Oh, Skyway, how we miss you! Although this ride doesn’t exist anymore (supposedly closed for engineering reasons, although popular consensus is that it was a safety hazard since you could literally jump to your death), it was a mecca for the horny. No cameras, on top of the crowd so nobody could see you, but still out in the open air. The number of kids conceived up here over the years must have been staggering.
So there you go, the best places in Walt Disney World to have sex! Take that, Fodors!
To deviate (no pun intended) slightly from the topic, another sex-related ride “must do” is showing your boobs on Splash Mountain, better known to cast members as “Flash Mountain”. Right as you go down the climax of the ride (a huge waterfall) a hidden camera snaps your picture, which you can then purchase on your way out. Apparently it’s become something of a rite of passage for women to bare their breasts right at this moment, camera be damned. Of course, since it’s Disney, they’ve devised a protocol to shelter young eyes from this behavior, and have set the camera system on a 35 second time delay so that they can quickly block any photos with bare breasts from appearing on the big screen at the photo kiosk.
However, it seems as if some enterprising cast members have figured out a way to shift these pix to some other form of storage, and have graciously posted them for all to see at http://www.flashmountain.com/spl.php!