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By Root 310 0

years of me pushing the limits just a little bit each time I returned to WDW, always trying to have a unique and exciting vacation. And now I’m releasing those tips to all of you, hoping you’ll give WDW another chance, and maybe recapture some of that wonder, and yes, magic, you had for the place when you were a kid. Because we’re all kids at heart, still desiring that same of thrill of newness that every day seemed to bring in those early years, but always knowing the comfort and safety of home lay just a few steps away. Well, Walt Disney World is home to everyone, young and old, and despite the thick skin we grow as we reach adulthood, I truly believe it’s still the best place around to recapture the thrill and wonder of youth. Add in sex, booze, and other such debauchery, and that makes for one hell of a fun vacation.

Chapter 1

Disney World, Done Dirt Cheap

Let’s face it, a vacation at Walt Disney World is almost prohibitively expensive. Between plane tickets, hotel rooms, park tickets, souvenirs, and food, expenses get out of hand quickly. A lot of people save up for years for a Disney vacation, and will still have to stay at the Value resorts (or ugh, off site), don’t get Park Hoppers, and have to eat only at the quick-service restaurants. Souvenirs? Forget it. How often have you heard a parent at Mouse Gears yelling at their crying kid, “I’m not paying $30 for some stupid mouse ears!”

Let it be known that this author is certainly not rolling in the dough. Quite the opposite, in fact. But when I do WDW, I like to do it in style, and since I go at least once a year, that means I have to find ways to save a butt-ton of cash. So over the years I’ve devised numerous ways to cut costs, and to be honest, some of them are distasteful and will not appeal to the general populace. But if you want to do WDW on the ULTRA-CHEAP, read on!

GETTING THERE

Driving is For Suckers:

There’s no way around this one; you have to get to the parks somehow. I absolutely do not recommend driving if you’re more than 4 hours away. You’re basically wasting two days of your vacation in the car, and that is not a magical way to spend the beginning and the end of your vacation. Plus, with gas prices what they are now, it’s simply not economical.

My co-worker Matt told me what is probably the penultimate Disney road trip horror story. “We planned to drive down in our minivan from Baltimore,” he starts. “It’s an 18 hour drive, and my wife and I were just going to do it straight through. So we woke up at 4AM, shoved the kids, 12 and 8, into the minivan and were off.

“Everything was fine until we stopped at South of the Border in South Carolina. We went there for gas and the kids ran into the store whooping and hollering like they thought this was Disney. I’m yelling at my wife to get them back in the car, so she runs in after them. Then I stand there like an idiot for 10 minutes after I finish pumping the gas and they never come back out! So I have to go into that shithole and literally pull them out of the place. I fucking hate that tourist trap!

“Anyway, I finally get them of there after spending way too much money on cheap trinkets, and we’re a few miles away when it starts pouring down rain. Like, that crazy rain where you can’t see a foot in front of your car.

“At this point my 8 year old son decides it’s the perfect time to start shooting off a bunch of party poppers he pocketed at South of the Border. You know, those little things where you pull the string and they explode and a bunch of shit comes flying out? Well he rips through what seems like five or six of them in about two seconds and is laughing like a maniac. My 12 year old daughter starts yelling, “My eyes are burned!” so my wife freaks out and is screaming at me to pull over, and I don’t know what the fuck is going on so I’m in the middle lane swerving around and freaking out. I end up swiping a car in the right lane while I’m desperately trying to get over to the median. That car skids out, gets hit by another car, which gets hit by another car, and so on.

“We