The Dark Side of Disney - Leonard Kinsey [36]
5. It’s a Small World. This might either fill you with joy and make you treasure world peace and cry about how beautiful the innocence of children is, or it will be the most excruciating ten minutes of your life. The “kids” are wooden figures with creepily limited movement, like something out of “Invasion of the Body Snatchers”. And the song repeats over and over and over and drills into your head like a mantra and maybe permanently drives you insane like the lead character in “Franny and Zoey”.
Honorable Mention: Mission: Space at Epcot. The Orange line with the G-forces has killed quite a few people. This has nothing to do with being high, it just sucks.
ROCK N’ ROLL
No, “High School Musical” doesn’t count. Neither does “American Idol”. “Rockin’ Rollercoaster” is sorta kinda on the borderline. What I’m talking about is real, sexy, gritty rock at Walt Disney World. Is it possible? Does it exist? Surprisingly, the answer is “Yes!”
Rock Venues On-Site:
First up is the most obvious choice, The House of Blues in Downtown Disney. Most nights they have moderately priced mid-level acts in the venue next to the restaurant, so if you’re not picky and don’t mind spending $20 to see a show, you’re pretty much guaranteed some decent rock music in a nice venue. They also sometimes have a guy playing acoustic guitar and singing in the bar out front of the restaurant, which simply isn’t very rock n’ roll, even if he does do watered down versions of 90s grunge hits.
Technically you can also hear rock songs at Jellyrolls on The Boardwalk, since when you tip the players you’re allowed to request whatever song you want. Obviously you’re only going to get a piano/vocal rendition, but it’s pretty fun hearing these guys try to struggle through Black Dog or Enter Sandman on the piano. Worth a visit for the decidedly raucous crowd, even if the music is tame.
Food and Wine “Eat to the Beat”:
Epcot’s management brings in some lame ass acts for The Flower and Garden Festival in the spring (Jose Feliciano and Juice Newton are for old people). But in the fall for The Food and Wine Festival they pony up for some really great bands to play the “Eat to the Beat” series. Rick Springfield, 38 Special, Sister Hazel, Sugar Ray, Kool and the Gang, and Big Bad Voodoo Daddy are just some of the bigger acts that play at the lovely American Gardens Theater, across from the American Pavilion. If you line up early enough for each show you can easily get into the front row and have a much more intimate experience than you’ll ever get in a stadium or even in most club settings. Better yet, the audio engineers are top notch, making sure everything sounds perfect and isn’t destroying your eardrums. This provides a much more pleasurable concert than the typical wall of white noise you get elsewhere.
In fact, I’ve seen one of my more memorable rock shows in recent memory at Epcot: Night Ranger at F&W in 2009. Coming into it I thought they’d be pure cheese because all I really remembered was “Sister Christian”, but these guys just tore it up and whipped the crowd into a frenzy during their last ½ hour set of the night. I know they’re in their 50s, but they had more energy, stage presence, and love for what they were doing than 99% of the new rock bands I’ve seen. Made me into an instant fan, and reminded me of why I love rock n’ roll!
Night Ranger rocks Epcot’s Eat to the Beat!
That said, it’s still Disney. Apparently