The Deeper Meaning of Liff - Douglas Adams [2]
Albuquerque (AL-ba-KER-kee) n.
The shapeless squiggle which is utterly unlike your normal signature, but which is, nevertheless, all you are able to produce when asked formally to identify yourself. Muslims, whose religion forbids the making of graven images, use albuquerques to decorate their towels, menu cards and pajamas.
Alcoy (AL-koy) adj.
Wanting to be bullied into having another drink.
Aldclune (AWLD-kloon) n.
One who collects ten-year-old telephone directories.
Alltami (al-TAR-mee) n.
The ancient art of being able to balance the hot and cold shower taps.
Ambatolampy (am-BAHT-a-LAM-pee) n.
The bizarre assortment of objects collected by a sleepwalker.
Ambleside (AM-bul-side) n.
The talk given about the Facts of Life by a father to his son while walking in the garden on a Sunday afternoon.
Amersham (AM-a-sham) n.
The sneeze which tickles but never comes. (Thought to derive from London’s Metropolitan Line tube station of the same name where rails always rattle but the train never arrives.)
Amlwch (AMLWCH) n.
*3
A British Rail sandwich which has been kept soft by being regularly washed and resealed in plastic wrap.
Ampus (AM-pus) n.
A lurid bruise which you can’t remember getting.
Anantnag (AN-ant-nag) vb.
(Eskimo term) To bang your thumbs between the oars when rowing.
Anjozorobe (an-JOH-zoh-rohb) n.
A loose, colored garment someone brings you back from their travels which they honestly expect you to wear.
Araglin (a-RAG-lin) n.
(Archaic) The medieval practical joke played by young squires on a knight aspirant the afternoon he is due to start his vigil. As the knight arrives at the castle, the squires suddenly attempt to raise the drawbridge as the knight and his charger step on it.
Ardcrony (AHD-kroh-nee) n.
A remote acquaintance passed off as “a very good friend of mine” by someone trying to impress people.
Ardelve (AHR-delv) n.
To make a big display of searching all your pockets when approached by a charity collector.
Ardentinny (ahr-den-TIN-nee) n.
One who rubs his hands eagerly together when he sits down in a restaurant.
Ardslignish (ahd-SLIG-nish) adj.
Descriptive of the behavior of Scotch tape when you are tired.
Articlave (ART-i-klayv) n.
A clever construction designed to give the illusion from the top of a double-decker bus that it is far too big for the road.
Ashdod (ASH-dod) n.
Any object against which a smoker habitually knocks out his pipe.
Aubusson (OH-be-son) n.
The hairstyle a girl adopts for a special occasion which suddenly gives you a sense of what she will look like in twenty years’ time.
Aynho (AYN-hoh) vb.
Of waiters, never to have a pen.
B
Babworth (BAB-werth) n.
Something that justifies having a really good cry.
Badachonacher (bad-er-KON-er-ker) n.
An on-off relationship which never gets resolved.
Badgebup (BADJ-bup) n.
The splotch on a child’s face where the ice cream cone has missed.
Baldock (BAWL-dok) n.
The sharp prong on top of a tree stump where the tree has snapped off before being completely sawed through.
Balemartine (BAYL-mar-TEEN) n.
The look which says, “Stop talking to that woman at once.”
Ballycumber (ba-li-KUM-ber) n.
One of the six half-read books lying somewhere in your bed.
Balzan (bal-ZAN) n.
The noise of a trash can lid coming off in the middle of the night.
Banff (banf) adj.
Pertaining to, or descriptive of, that kind of facial expression which is impossible to achieve except when having a passport photograph taken, which results in happas (q.v.).
Banteer (ban-TEER) n.
(Archaic) A lusty and raucous old ballad sung after a particularly spectacular araglin (q.v.) has been pulled off.
Barstibley (bar-STIB-lee) n.
A humorous device such as a china horse or small naked porcelain infant which jocular hosts use to piss water into your scotch with.
Bathel (BATH-ul) vb.
To pretend to have read the book under discussion when in fact you’ve only seen the TV series.
Baughurst (BORG-herst) n.
That kind of large, fierce, ugly woman who owns a small, fierce, ugly dog.
Baumber