The Deeper Meaning of Liff - Douglas Adams [3]
A fitted elasticized bottom sheet which makes your mattress banana-shaped.
Bauple (BAW-pul) n.
An indeterminate pustule which could be either a pimple or a bite.
Bealings (BEE-lingz) pl. n.
(Archaic) The unsavory parts of a moat which a knight has to pour out of his armor after being the victim of an araglin (q.v.). In medieval Flanders, soup made from bealings was a very slightly sought-after delicacy.
Beaulieu Hill (BEW-lee-HILL) n.
The optimum vantage point from which to view people undressing in the bedroom across the street.
Beccles (BEK-kuls) pl. n.
The small bone buttons placed in bacon sandwiches by unemployed dentists.
Bedfont (BED-font) n.
A lurching sensation in the pit of the stomach experienced at breakfast in a hotel, occasioned by the realization that it is about now that the chambermaid will have discovered the embarrassing stain on your bottom sheet.
Belding (BELD-ing) n.
The technical name for a stallion after its first ball has been cut off. Any notice which reads “Beware of the Belding” should be taken very, very seriously.
Belper (BEL-per) n.
A knob of someone else’s chewing gum which you unexpectedly find your hand resting on under the passenger seat of your car or on somebody’s thigh under their skirt.
Benburb (BEN-burb) n.
Someone who aspires to work in a tollbooth.
Beppu (BEH-poo) n.
The triumphant slamming shut of a book after reading the final page.
Bepton (BEP-ton) n.
One who beams benignly after burping.
Berepper (beh-REP-pah) n.
The irrevocable and sturdy fart released in the presence of royalty, which sounds like quite a small motorbike passing by (but not enough to be confused with one).
Berkhamsted (BUR-kum-sted) n.
The massive three-course midmorning blow-out enjoyed by a dieter who has already done his or her slimming duty by having a spoonful of cottage cheese for breakfast.
Berriwillock (ber-ree-WIL-luk) n.
An unknown workmate who writes “All the best” on your going-away card.
Berry Pomeroy (ber-ree-POM-mer-roy) n.
1. The shape of a gourmet’s lips.
2. The droplet of saliva which hangs from them.
Bickerstaff (BIK-er-stahf) n.
The person in an office whom everyone complains about in the pub. Many large corporations deliberately employ bickerstaffs in each department. For example, Sir Robert Maxwell was both Chairman and Chief Bickerstaff of the New York Daily News
Bilbster (BILB-ster) n.
A bauple (q.v.) so hideous and enormous that you have to cover it with a Band-Aid and pretend you’ve cut yourself shaving.
Bindle (BIN-dul) vb.
To slip foreign coins into a customer’s change.
Bishop’s Caundle (BISH-ups-KAWN-dul) n.
An opening gambit before a game of chess whereby the missing pieces are replaced by small ornaments from the mantelpiece.
Blandford Forum (BLAND-ferd-FOR-um) n.
Any middle-of-the-road radio chat show.
Blean (bleen) n.
Scientific measure of luminosity: I glimmer = 100,000 bleans. Usherettes’ torches are designed to produce 2.5 and 4 bleans, enabling them to assist you in falling down stairs, treading on people or putting your hand into a Neapolitan tub when reaching for change.
Blithbury (BLITH-ber-ee) n.
A look someone gives you that indicates that he’s much too drunk to have understood anything you’ve said to him in the last twenty minutes.
Blitterlees (BLIT-a-leez) pl.n.
The little slivers of bamboo picked off a cane chair by a nervous guest which litter the carpet beneath and tell the chair’s owner that the whole piece of furniture is about to uncoil terribly and slowly until it resembles a giant pencil sharpening.
Bodmin (BOD-min) n.
The irrational and inevitable discrepancy between the amount pooled and the amount needed when a large group of people try to pay a bill together after a meal.
Bogue (bohg) n.
The expanse of skin that appears between the top of your socks and the bottom of your trousers when you sit down.
“The Duke of Ilford threw himself onto the chesterfield, brazenly displaying his bogues to the dowager Lady Ingatestone.”
Barbara Cartland, Come Soon, Strange Horseman
Boinka (BOYN-ker) n.
The