The Deeper Meaning of Liff - Douglas Adams [4]
Bolsover (BAWL-soh-ver) n.
One of those brown plastic trays with bumps, placed upside down in boxes of chocolates to make you think you’re getting two layers.
Bonkle (BON-kul) n.
Of plumbing in old hotels, to make loud and unexplained noises in the night, particularly at about five o’clock in the morning.
Boolteens (BOOL-teenz) pl.n.
The small scatterings of foreign coins and pennies which inhabit dressing tables. Since they are never used and never thrown away, boolteens account for a significant drain on the world’s money supply.
Boothby Graffoe (BOOTH-bi-GRAF-oh) n.
The man in the pub who slaps people on the back as if they were old friends, when in fact he has no friends, largely on account of this habit.
Boscastle (BOSS-kah-sul) n.
The huge pyramid of tin cans placed just inside the entrance to a supermarket.
Botcherby (BOTCH-er-bee) n.
The principle by which British roads are signposted.
Botley (BOT-lee) n.
The prominent stain on a man’s trouser crotch seen on his return from the lavatory. A botley proper is caused by an accident with the faucets, and should not be confused with any stain caused by insufficient waggling of the willy (q.v. piddletrenthide).
Botolphs (BOT-olfs) pl.n.
Huge benign tumors that archdeacons and old chemistry teachers affect to wear on the sides of their noses.
Botswana (bot-SWAH-nah) n.
Something that is more fruitfully used for a purpose other than that for which it was designed. A fish knife used to lever open a stubborn can of luncheon meat is a fine example of a botswana.
Botusfleming (BOH-tus-flem-ing) n.
(Medical) A small, long-handled steel trowel used by surgeons to remove the contents of a patient’s nostrils prior to a sinus operation.
Bozeman (BOZE-man) n.
One who spends all day loafing about near pedestrian crossings looking as if he’s about to cross.
Brabant (brah-BANT) adj.
Very much inclined to see how far you can push someone.
Bradford (BRAD-ferd) n.
A schoolteacher’s old hairy jacket, now severely discolored by chalk dust, ink, egg and the precipitations of unedifying chemical reactions.
Bradworthy (BRAD-wer-thee) n.
One who is skilled in the art of naming loaves.
Breckles (BREK-uls) n.
A disease of artificial plants.
Brecon (BREK-un) n.
The part of the toenail which is designed to snag on nylon sheets.
Brindle (BRIN-dul) vb.
To suddenly remember where it is you’re meant to be going after you’ve already been driving for ten minutes.
Brisbane (BRIZ-bn) n.
A perfectly reasonable explanation. (Such as one offered by a person with a gurgling cough which has nothing to do with the fact that they smoke fifty cigarettes a day.)
Brithdir (BRITH-deer) n.
(Old Norse) The first day of winter on which your breath condenses in the air.
Broats (brohts) pl.n.
A pair of trousers with a career behind them. Broats are most commonly seen on elderly retired army officers. Originally the broats were part of their best suit back in the thirties; then in the fifties they were demoted and used for gardening. Recently, pensions not being what they were, the broats have been called out of retirement and reinstated as part of the best suit again.
Brompton (BROMP-tn) n.
A brompton is that which is said to have been committed when you are convinced you are about to fart with a resounding trumpeting noise in a public place and all that actually slips out is a tiny “pfpt.”
Bromsgrove (BROMZ-grohv) n.
Any urban environment containing a small amount of dog turd and about forty-five tons of bent steel pylon or a lump of concrete with holes claiming to be sculpture.
“Oh, come my dear, and come with me
And wander ’neath the bromsgrove tree”
Betjeman
Brough Sowerby (BRUF SOW-er-bee) n.
One who has been working at the same desk in the same office for fifteen years and has very much his own ideas about why he is continually passed over for promotion.
Brumby (BRUM-bee) n.
The fake antique plastic seal on a pretentious whiskey bottle.
Brymbo (BRIM-boh) n.
The single