The Definitive Book of Body Language - Barbara Pease [20]
When Men and Women Shake Hands
Even though women have had a strong presence in the workforce for several decades, many men and women still experience degrees of fumbling and embarrassment in male/female greetings. Most men report that they received some basic handshaking training from their fathers when they were boys, but few women report the same training. As adults, this can create uncomfortable situations when a man reaches first to shake a woman's hand but she does not see it—she's initially more intent on looking at his face. Feeling awkward with his hand suspended in midair, the man pulls it back hoping she didn't notice, but as he does, she reaches for it and is also left with her hand dangling in a void. He reaches for her hand again and the result is a mishmash of tangled fingers that looks and feels like two eager squid in a love embrace.
Initial meetings between men and women can
be thrown off by poor handshake technique.
If this ever happens to you, intentionally take the other person's right hand with your left, place it correctly into your right hand, and say with a smile, “Let's try that again!” This can give you an enormous credibility boost with the other person, because it shows you care enough about meeting them to get the handshake right. If you are a woman in business, a wise strategy is to give notice to others that you intend to shake hands so as not to catch them off guard. Hold your hand out as early as possible to give clear notice of your intention to shake hands and this will avoid any fumbling.
The Double-Hander
A corporate favorite the world over, this is delivered with direct eye contact, a candidly reassuring smile, and a confident loud repetition of the receiver's first name, often accompanied by an earnest inquiry about the receiver's current state of health.
The Double-Hander
This handshake increases the amount of physical contact given by the initiator and gives control over the receiver by restricting his right hand. Sometimes called the “politician's handshake,” the initiator of the Double-Hander tries to give the impression he is trustworthy and honest, but when it's used on a person he's just met, it can have the reverse effect, leaving the receiver feeling suspicious about the initiator's intentions. The Double-Hander is like a miniature hug and is acceptable only in circumstances where a hug could also be acceptable.
“You're a lovable, memorable person—
whoever you are…”
Ninety percent of humans are born with the ability to throw the right arm in front of the body—known as an overarm blow—for basic self-defense. The Double-Hander restricts this defense capability, which is why it should never be used in greetings where a personal bond doesn't exist with the other person. It should be used only where an emotional bond already exists, such as when meeting an old friend. In these circumstances, self-defense is not an issue, so the handshake is perceived as genuine.
Yassar Arafat plants a Double-Hander on Tony Blair,
whose tight-lipped expression shows he's not impressed
Handshakes of Control
The intention of any two-handed handshake is to try to show sincerity, trust, or depth of feeling for the receiver. Two significant elements should be noticed. First, the left hand is used to communicate the depth of feeling the initiator wants to convey and this is relative to the distance the initiator's left hand is placed up the receiver's right arm. It's like an intention to embrace and the initiator's left hand is used like a thermometer of intimacy—the farther up the receiver's arm it's placed, the more intimacy the initiator is attempting to show. The initiator is attempting to show an intimate connection with the receiver, while, at the same time, attempting to control their movement.
For example, the Elbow Grasp conveys more intimacy and control than the Wrist Hold, and the Shoulder Hold conveys more than the Upper-Arm Grip.
The Wrist Hold