The Definitive Book of Body Language - Barbara Pease [31]
Summary
When you smile at another person they will almost always return the smile, which causes positive feelings in both you and them, because of cause and effect. Studies prove that most encounters will run more smoothly, last longer, have more positive outcomes, and dramatically improve relationships when you make a point of regularly smiling and laughing to the point where it becomes a habit.
Evidence shows conclusively that smiles and laughter build the immune system, defend the body against illness and disease, medicate the body, sell ideas, teach better, attract more friends, and extend life. Humor heals.
Chapter 4
ARM SIGNALS
Holding the hands over the crotch makes men feel
more secure when they feel threatened
Arm Barrier Signals
Hiding behind a barrier is a normal response we learn at an early age to protect ourselves. As children, we hid behind solid objects such as tables, chairs, furniture, and mother's skirt whenever we found ourselves in a threatening situation. As we grew older, this hiding behavior became more sophisticated and by the age of about six, when it was unacceptable behavior to hide behind solid objects, we learned to fold our arms tightly across our chests whenever a threatening situation arose. During our teens, we learned to make the Crossed-Arms gesture less obvious by relaxing our arms a little and combining the gesture with crossed legs.
As we grow older, the arms-crossing gesture can evolve to the point where we try to make it even less obvious to others. By folding one or both arms across the chest, a barrier is formed that is an unconscious attempt to block out what we perceive as a threat or undesirable circumstances. The arms fold neatly across the heart and lungs regions to protect these vital organs from being injured, so it's likely that arm-crossing is inborn. Monkeys and chimps also do it to protect themselves from a frontal attack. One thing's certain: when a person has a nervous, negative, or defensive attitude, it's very likely he will fold his arms firmly on his chest, showing that he feels threatened.
Why Crossed Arms Can Be Detrimental
Research conducted in the United States into the Crossed-Arms gesture has shown some worrying results. A group of volunteers was asked to attend a series of lectures and each student was instructed to keep his legs uncrossed, arms unfolded, and to take a casual, relaxed sitting position. At the end of the lectures each student was tested on his retention and knowledge of the subject matter and his attitude toward the lecturer was recorded. A second group of volunteers was put through the same process, but these volunteers were instructed to keep their arms tightly folded across their chests throughout the lectures. The results showed that the group with the folded arms had learned and retained 38 percent less than the group who kept its arms unfolded. The second group also had a more critical opinion of the lectures and of the lecturer.
When you fold your arms your
credibility dramatically reduces.
We conducted these same tests in 1989 with 1,500 delegates during six different lectures and recorded almost identical results. These tests reveal that, when a listener folds his arms, not only does he have more negative thoughts about the speaker, but he's also paying less attention to what's being said. It's for this reason that training centers should have chairs with arms to allow the attendees to leave their arms uncrossed.
Yes… but I'm Just “Comfortable”
Some people claim that they habitually cross their arms because it's comfortable. Any gesture will feel comfortable when you have the corresponding attitude; that is, if you have a negative, defensive, or nervous attitude, folded arms will feel comfortable. If you're having fun with your friends, folded arms will feel wrong.
Remember that with all body language, the meaning of the message is also in the receiver, as well as the sender. You may feel “comfortable