The Definitive Book of Body Language - Barbara Pease [32]
You may feel arm-crossing is simply comfortable,
but others will think you're not approachable.
Gender Differences
Men's arms rotate slightly inward, while women's arms rotate slightly outward. These rotation differences have enabled men to aim and throw more accurately, while women's splayed elbows give them a wider, more stable position for carrying babies. One interesting difference is that women tend to keep their arms more open when they are around men they find attractive and are likely to fold their arms across their breasts around aggressive or unattractive men.
Inward rotating arms allow men to throw accurately; women's outward rotating arms make for better carrying
Crossed-Arms-on-Chest
Both arms are folded together across the chest as an attempt to put a barrier between the person and someone or something they don't like. There are many arm-folding positions and we'll discuss here the most common ones you're likely to see. Crossed-Arms-on-Chest is universal and is decoded with the same defensive or negative meaning almost everywhere. It is commonly seen among strangers in public meetings, in queues or cafeteria lines, elevators, or anywhere that people feel uncertain or insecure.
Crossed-Arms-on-Chest: he's not coming out and you're not coming in
We attended a meeting of our local council where a debate was held on the cutting down of trees by developers. The developers sat to one side of the room and their opponents, the “greenies,” sat on the other. About half those attending sat with their arms crossed at the opening of the meeting and this increased to 90 percent of the “greenies” when the developers addressed the audience, and almost 100 percent of the developers did it when the “greenies” spoke. This shows how most people will take an arms-folded position when they disagree with what they're hearing. Many speakers fail to communicate their message to their audience because they haven't seen the Crossed-Arms position of their listeners. Experienced speakers know that this gesture means a good “ice breaker” is needed to move their audience into a more receptive position that will change their attitude from negative to positive.
When you see someone take the arms-crossed position, it's reasonable to assume that you may have said something with which they disagree. It may be pointless continuing your line of argument even though the person could be verbally agreeing with you. The fact is that body language is more honest than words.
As long as someone holds an arms-folded position,
a negative attitude will persist.
Your objective should be to try to work out why they crossed their arms and to try to move the person into a more receptive position. The attitude causes the gesture to occur and maintaining the gesture forces the attitude to remain.
The Solution
A simple but effective way of breaking the arms-folded position is to give the listener something to hold or give them something to do. Giving them a pen, book, brochure, sample, or written test forces them to unfold their arms and lean forward. This moves them into a more open position and, therefore, a more open attitude. Asking someone to lean forward to look at a visual presentation can also be an effective means of opening the arms-folded position. You could also lean forward with your palms up and say, “I can see you have a question…what would you like to know?” or “What's your opinion?” You then sit or lean back to indicate that it's their turn to speak. By using your palms, you nonverbally tell them that you would like them to be open and honest because that's what you're being.
“Why am I holding all these pens, pencils, and brochures?”
asked the customer, who began to look like a decorated
Xmas tree.