The Definitive Book of Body Language - Barbara Pease [36]
Skillful elbow-touching can give you up to three
times the chance of getting what you want.
There are three reasons this technique works: first, the elbow is considered a public space and is far away from intimate parts of the body; second, touching a stranger is not considered acceptable in most countries so it creates an impression; and third, a light, three-second elbow touch creates a momentary bond between two people. When we replicated this experiment for a television program, we found the coin return rate varied from culture to culture depending on what the normal touch frequency was in a particular place. For example, with elbow-touching, the coin was returned by 72 percent of Australians, 70 percent of English, 85 percent of Germans, 50 percent of French, and 22 percent of Italians. This result shows how the elbow touch works better in places where frequent touching is not the cultural norm. We have recorded the touch frequencies between people in outdoor cafés in many of the countries we regularly visit and noted 220 touches an hour in Rome, 142 per hour in Paris, 25 touches an hour in Sydney, 4 per hour in New York, and 0 per hour in London. This confirms that the more British or German your heritage, the less likely you are to touch others and, therefore, the more successful an elbow touch will be on you.
If you're of German or British origin,
you're an easier touch than everyone else.
Overall, we found that women were four times more likely to touch another woman than was a man to touch another man. In many places, touching a stranger above or below the elbow did not produce the same positive results as with directly touching the elbow and often received negative reactions. Touching for more than three seconds also received a negative response, with the person suddenly looking down at your hand to see what you are doing.
Touch Their Hand, Too
Another study involved librarians who, as they issued a book to a borrower, lightly brushed the hand of the person borrowing the book. Outside the library, the borrowers were surveyed and asked questions about their impressions of the service the library offered. Those who had been touched responded more favorably to all questions asked and were more likely to recall the name of the librarian. Studies conducted in British supermarkets where customers are lightly touched on the hand when they received their change show similar positive customer reactions. The same experiment has also been conducted in the U.S.A. with waitresses who derive much of their income from customer tips. The elbow-and-hand-touching waitresses made 36 percent more tips from male diners than nontouching waitresses and male waiters increased their earnings by 22 percent regardless of which sex they touched.
When you next meet someone new and you shake hands, extend your left arm, give a light touch on their elbow or hand as you shake, repeat their name to confirm you heard it correctly, and watch their reaction. Not only does it make that person feel important, it lets you remember their name through repetition.
Elbow- and hand-touching—when done discreetly—grabs attention, reinforces a comment, underlines a concept, increases your influence over others, makes you more memorable, and creates positive impressions on everyone.
Summary
It makes no difference how you look at it, any crossing of the arms in front of the body is seen as negative and the message is as much in the mind of the receiver as the sender. Even if you fold your arms because, for example, you have a backache, an observer will still unconsciously perceive you as closed to their ideas. Make a decision now to practice not crossing your arms and in the following chapters we will show you what to do to project a more positive, confident image.
Chapter 5
CULTURAL DIFFERENCES
How would a Brit, a German, or an American interpret this gesture?
Imagine this scene—you are inspecting a house with the possibility