The Definitive Book of Body Language - Barbara Pease [78]
In India, the head is rocked from side to side, called the Head Wobble, to signal “Yes.” This is confusing for Westerners and Europeans, who use this gesture to communicate “Maybe yes—maybe no.” As we've already said, in Japan, head nodding doesn't necessarily mean “Yes, I agree”—it usually means “Yes, I hear you.”
Head nodding has its origins in
bowing to appear subordinate.
In Arab countries they use a single, upward head movement, which means no, while Bulgarians use the common no gesture to mean yes.
Why You Should Learn to Nod
Most people have never considered the power of head nodding as a persuasion tool. Research shows that people will talk three to four times more than usual when the listener nods their head using groups of three nods at regular intervals. The speed of the nod signals the patience—or lack of patience—of the listener. Slow nodding communicates that the listener is interested in what the speaker is saying so give slow, deliberate clusters of three head nods when the other person is making a point. Fast nodding tells the speaker you've heard enough or that you want them to finish or give you a turn to speak.
How to Encourage Agreement
There are two powerful uses of the Head Nod. Body language is an unconscious outward reflection of inner feelings so, if you feel positive or affirmative, your head will begin to nod as you speak. Conversely, if you simply start nodding your head intentionally, you will begin to experience positive feelings. In other words, positive feelings cause the head to nod—and the reverse is also true: nodding the head causes positive feelings. It's cause and effect again.
Head nodding is also very contagious. If someone nods their head at you, you will usually nod, too—even if you don't necessarily agree with what they are saying. Head nodding is an excellent tool for creating rapport, getting agreement and cooperation. By finishing each sentence with a verbal affirmation such as “Isn't it?” “Wouldn't you?” “Isn't that true?” or “Fair enough?” and with the speaker and listener both nodding their heads, the listener experiences positive feelings that create a greater likelihood of getting them to agree with you.
Head nodding encourages
cooperation and agreement.
After you've asked a question and the listener gives his answer, nod your head during his answer. When he finishes speaking, continue to nod your head another five times at the rate of about one nod per second. Usually, by the time you have counted to four, the listener will begin speaking again and give you more information. And as long as you nod and stay silent with your hand on your chin in an evaluation position, there's no pressure on you to speak and you won't come across like an interrogator. When you listen, put your hand on your chin and give it light strokes because, as previously stated, research shows that this encourages others to keep talking.
The Head Shake
Research also indicates that the Head Shake, usually meaning “No,” may also be an inborn action and evolutionary biologists believe that it's the first gesture humans learn. This theory says that when the newborn baby has had enough milk, it shakes its head from side to side to reject its mother's breast. Similarly, a child who has had enough to eat uses the Head Shake to reject attempts to spoon-feed him.
Shaking the head owes its origin to breastfeeding.
When someone is trying to convince you, watch if they use the Head Shake gesture while saying they agree. The person who says, “I can see your point of view” or “It sounds good” or “We'll definitely do business” while shaking his head from side to side might sound convincing, but the Head Shake gesture signals a negative attitude and you would be well advised to be skeptical about it.
No woman believes a man who says “I love you” while shaking his head. When Bill Clinton uttered his famous phrase, “I did not have sex with that woman” during the Monica Lewinsky inquest, he did not use a Head