The Definitive Book of Body Language - Barbara Pease [77]
Men voted Parallel Legs as their number one favorite
position in women who are seated
One leg presses against the other and gives the legs a healthier, more youthful look, which appeals to men from a reproductive standpoint. This is the position taught to women in deportment and modeling classes. This position should not be confused with the woman who constantly crosses and uncrosses her legs when she's with a man she fancies—this is done to draw attention to her legs.
Put Your Right Foot In, Put Your Right Foot Out
When we're interested in either a conversation or a person, we put one foot forward to shorten the distance between us and that person. If we're reticent or not interested, we put our feet back, usually under a chair if seated.
He's coming on strong with One-Foot-Forward and Crotch Display; she's either undecided or not keen
In the above scene, the man is trying to show interest in the woman by using typical male courtship body language: foot forward, legs apart, Crotch Display, and Arms-Splayed to try to enlarge his overall perceived size and take up more space.
She's also using typical female no-go body language: legs together, body facing away, arms folded, and minimizing the amount of space she occupies. He's probably wasting his time.
Summary
Our feet tell others where we want to go and who we do or don't like. If you are a woman, avoid crossing your legs when you're sitting with businessmen unless you are wearing an A-line dress or at least one that is below the knee-line. The sight of a woman's thighs is distracting to almost all men and detracts from her message. They'll remember who she was but won't remember much of what she had to say. Many women wear shorter dresses in business because this appearance is continually thrust at them by the media; over 90 percent of all female television hosts are presented with short dresses and exposed legs. This is because studies prove that male viewers will watch the program for longer, but the same studies also show that the more leg a woman shows, the less men can remember the content of what she said. The rule here is simple— for social contexts, exposed crossed legs are fine, but don't do it in business. If you're a man dealing with women in business, the same rule applies—keep your knees together.
Chapter 11
THE THIRTEEN MOST
COMMON GESTURES
YOU'LL SEE DAILY
The number-one gesture cluster women can't tolerate men doing at work
People rarely think consciously about the effect of many of the seemingly simple nonverbal things they do. For example, when one person hugs another, most observers silently assume that the back patting that occurs toward the end of the hug is a gesture of affection and that the air kisses made—the sound made on the side of someone's cheek—is also affection. The reality is that the pat is used in the same way professional wrestlers use it—to tell the other person to end the hug and break the clinch. If you are really not too keen about hugging someone but are forced into it because the people ahead of you did it, you're likely to begin the back patting in the air even before the hug begins. The air kiss—with its accompanying sound—is given as a displacement of a real kiss that we don't want to give, either.
Most people use the Shoulder Tap to break a clinch—sincere huggers hold on tight. While she was holding firmly, he was tapping rapidly
This chapter covers some of the most common head gestures and body-language clusters you are likely to see in your day-to-day dealings with others.
The Head Nod
In most cultures the Head Nod is used to signify “Yes” or agreement. It's a stunted form of bowing—the person symbolically goes to bow but stops short, resulting in a nod. Bowing is a submissive gesture, so the Head Nod shows we are going along with the other person's point of view. Research conducted with people who were born deaf, dumb, and blind shows that they also use this gesture to signify