The Definitive Book of Body Language - Barbara Pease [85]
Mirroring makes others feel “at ease.” It's such a powerful rapport-building tool that slow-motion video research reveals that it even extends to simultaneous blinking, nostril-flaring, eyebrow-raising, and even pupil dilation, which is remarkable as these microgestures cannot be consciously imitated.
Creating the Right Vibes
Studies into synchronous body-language behavior show that people who feel similar emotions, or are on the same wavelength and are likely to be experiencing a rapport, will also begin to match each other's body language and expressions. Being “in sync” to bond with another person begins early in the womb when our body functions and heartbeat match the rhythm of our mother, so mirroring is a state to which we are naturally inclined.
When a couple are in the early stages of courtship it's common to see them behave with synchronous movements, almost as if they are dancing. For example, when a woman takes a mouthful of food the man wipes the corner of his mouth; or he begins a sentence and she finishes it for him. When she gets PMS, he develops a strong desire for chocolate; and when she feels bloated, he farts.
When a person says “the vibes are right” or that they “feel right” around another person, they are unknowingly referring to mirroring and synchronous behavior. For example, at a restaurant, one person can be reluctant to eat or drink alone for fear of being out of sync with the others. When it comes to ordering the meal, each may check with the others before ordering. “What are you having?” they ask as they try to mirror their meals. This is one of the reasons why playing background music during a date is so effective—the music gets a couple to beat and tap in time together.
Mirroring the other person's body language and appearance shows a united
front and doesn't let either get one-up on the other
Mirroring on a Cellular Level
American heart surgeon Dr. Memhet Oz reported some remarkable findings from heart recipients. He found that, as with most other body organs, the heart appears to retain cellular memories, and this allows some patients to experience some of the emotions experienced by the heart donor. Even more remarkably, he found some recipients also assume the same gestures and posture of the donor even though they have never seen the donor. His conclusion was that it appears that the heart cells instruct the recipient's brains to take on the donor's body language. Conversely, people suffering from disorders such as autism have no ability to mirror or match the behavior of others, which makes it difficult for two-way communication with others. The same goes for drunk people whose gestures are out of sync with their words, making it impossible for any mirroring to occur.
Because of the phenomenon of cause and effect, if you intentionally assume certain body-language positions you will begin to experience the emotions associated with those gestures. For example, if you feel confident, you may unconsciously assume the Steeple gesture to reflect your confidence, but if you intentionally Steeple you will not only begin to feel more confident, others will perceive that you're confident. This, then, becomes a powerful way to create a rapport with others by intentionally matching their body language and posture.
Mirroring Differences Between Men and Women
Geoffrey Beattie, at the University of Manchester, found that a woman is instinctively four times more likely to mirror another woman than a man is to mirror another man. He also found that women mirror men's body language, too, but men are reluctant to mirror a woman's gestures or posture—unless he is in courtship mode.
When a woman says she can “see” that someone doesn't agree with the group opinion, she is actually “seeing” the disagreement. She's picked up that someone's body language is out of sync with group opinion and they are showing their disagreement by not mirroring the group's body language. How women can “see” disagreement, anger, lying, or feeling hurt has always been a source