The Definitive Book of Body Language - Barbara Pease [87]
Thinking alike
Take, for example, the two men standing at the bar in the above illustration. They are mirroring, so it's reasonable to assume that they are discussing a topic on which they have similar thoughts and feelings. If one man uses an evaluation gesture or stands on the other foot, the other will copy. One puts a hand in his pocket, the other copies again. Mirroring will continue for as long as the two are in agreement.
Even when Presidents Bush and Chirac disagree verbally, they still
usually mirror each other—this shows they have mutual respect
Mirroring happens among friends or between people of the same status and it is common to see married couples walk, stand, sit, and move in identical ways. Albert Scheflen found that people who are strangers studiously avoid holding mirror positions.
Matching Voices
Intonation, voice inflection, speed of speaking, and even accents also synchronize during the mirroring process to further establish mutual attitudes and build rapport. This is known as “pacing” and it can almost seem as if the two people are singing in tune. You will often see a speaker beating time with his hands while the listener matches the rhythm with head nods. As a relationship grows over time, the mirroring of the main body-language positions becomes less as each person begins to anticipate the other's attitudes, and vocal pacing with the other person becomes a main medium for maintaining rapport.
Never speak at a faster rate than the other person. Studies reveal that others describe feeling “pressured” when someone speaks more quickly than they do. A person's speed of speech shows the rate at which their brain can consciously analyze information. Speak at the same rate or slightly slower than the other person and mirror their inflection and intonation. Pacing is critical when attempting to make appointments by telephone because voice is your only communication medium.
Intentionally Creating Rapport
The significance of mirroring is one of the most important body-language lessons you can learn because it's a clear way in which others tell us that they agree with us or like us. It is also a way for us to tell others that we like them, by simply mirroring their body language.
If a boss wants to develop a rapport and create a relaxed atmosphere with a nervous employee, he could copy the employee's posture to achieve this end. Similarly, an up-and-coming employee may be seen copying his boss's gestures in an attempt to show agreement when the boss is giving his opinion. Using this knowledge, it is possible to influence others by mirroring their positive gestures and posture. This has the effect of putting the other person in a receptive and relaxed frame of mind, because he can “see” that you understand his point of view.
Mirroring the other person's body language to gain acceptance
Before you mirror someone's body language, however, you must take into consideration your relationship with that person. Let's say, for example, the junior employee of a corporation has asked for a pay raise and is called into the manager's office. The employee enters the manager's office, the manager asks him to sit down and assumes the Catapult with a Figure Four showing the employee a superior, dominant attitude. But what would happen if the junior then copied the manager's dominant body language while discussing the potential salary raise?
A boss would perceive a subordinate's mirroring behavior as arrogance
Even if the employee's talk was on a subordinate level, the manager could feel affronted by the employee's body language and his job could be in jeopardy Mirroring is also effective for intimidating or disarming