The Definitive Book of Body Language - Barbara Pease [88]
They have the same posture and body language and
the close distance between them shows they are friends
going about business in the same way with similar goals
Who Mirrors Whom?
Research shows that when the leader of a group assumes certain gestures and positions, subordinates will copy, usually in pecking order. Leaders also tend to be the first of a group to walk through a doorway and they like to sit on the end of a sofa, table, or bench seat rather than in the center. When a group of executives walks into a room, the person with the highest status usually goes first. When executives are seated in the boardroom, the boss usually sits at the head of the table, often farthest from the door. If the boss sits in the Catapult, his subordinates are likely to copy in order of their importance within the group. You can see this in a meeting where people “take sides” with others by mirroring their body language. This lets you see who will vote with you and who will vote against you.
Mirroring is a good strategy to use if you are part of a presentation team. Decide, in advance, that when the team spokesperson makes a gesture or takes a posture when speaking, the entire team will mirror. This not only gives your team the powerful appearance of being cohesive, it can frighten the hell out of competitors who suspect something is up, even though they can't quite figure out what it is.
Bill Clinton may have been the world's most powerful
man, but when Hillary gestured, he copied—and when
they walk hand-in-hand, she often has the front-hold position
When presenting ideas, products, and services to couples, watching who mirrors whom reveals where the ultimate power or final decision-making ability lies. If the woman makes the initial movements, however small, such as crossing her feet, lacing her fingers, or using a Critical Evaluation cluster and the man copies, there is little point in asking him for a decision— he doesn't have the authority to make it.
Walking in step—Charles leads, Camilla follows slightly behind;
after the beginning of the Iraqi conflict in 2003, Tony Blair began
to mirror George Bush's Thumbs-in-Belt gesture
Summary
Mirroring someone's body language makes them feel accepted and creates a bond and is a phenomenon that occurs naturally between friends and people of equal status. Conversely, we make a point of not mirroring those we don't like or strangers, such as those riding with us in an elevator or standing in the queue at the cinema.
Mirroring the other person's body language and speech patterns is one of the most powerful ways to build rapport quickly. In a new meeting with someone, mirror his seating position, posture, body angle, gestures, expressions, and tone of voice. Before long, they'll start to feel that there's something about you they like—they'll describe you as “easy to be with.” This is because they see themselves reflected in you. A word of warning, however: don't do it too early in a new encounter as many people have become aware of mirroring strategies since our original book Body Language was published and over one hundred million people watched the television series that followed. When someone takes a position you have one of three choices—ignore it, do something else, or mirror it. Mirroring pays big dividends. But never mirror a person's negative signals.
Chapter 13
THE SECRET SIGNALS
OF CIGARETTES,
GLASSES, AND MAKEUP
Smoking is an outward signal of inner turmoil or conflict and most smoking has less to do with nicotine addiction and more to do with the need for reassurance. It is one of the displacement activities that people use in today's high-pressure society to release the tensions that build up from social and business encounters. For example, most people