The Diaper-Free Baby_ The Natural Toilet Training Alternative - Christine Gross-Loh [63]
My son Daniel demonstrating the ASL sign for “toilet” (wave hand back and forth)
Children this age are able to communicate much more clearly than they could when younger. At one year old, Benjamin was saying his own form of the cue sound (psssss), in addition to signing “toilet” in ASL.
He could tell me that he had to go to the bathroom even though he was not verbal yet. Thus, it is important to teach your child ways to communicate the need to use the toilet, or else take note of his own signals and cues and encourage him to use them. The best way is to continue to communicate with him as actively as possible. There’s no such thing as overdoing it; talk about going to the bathroom as much as you can when it’s relevant.
Be sure to keep up your use of the ASL toilet sign. It may seem like it takes awhile until your child gets the hang of it and starts signing it back to you, but once he does it will make things simpler for you. You may have to educate other adults in your child’s life, as well. One mom I know, Sarah, says that because her little boy is so young, when he signs “toilet,” most people assume he’s waving and respond by saying, “Bye-bye!”
Lots of parents report that their toddlers start cueing dolls or stuffed animals to pee. This is a wonderful sign that your child is getting the idea, even if she’s not actually using the potty a whole lot herself! Play really speaks to young children on a level they can understand, so get down on the floor with your child and have some fun with her stuffed animals or dolls. Have them all cue each other. Keep the idea of pottying as fun as possible!
THE PERILS OF PRAISE
By the way, I want to make one little comment about how important it is to allow this pottying experience to belong to your child and not to you or anyone else. You’ll notice that throughout the book, I have encouraged you to acknowledge when your child is going to the bathroom. This is a really important part of maintaining your child’s bodily awareness and cluing him in to the fact that he’s going to the bathroom.
You’re probably very delighted for your child—which is a really good, in fact, a wonderful, thing! Your warmth and enthusiasm make the potty process pleasant and positive for your child. But I have never told you to say “Good boy!” or “Good job!” or to offer any sort of general praise like that. I’ve noticed that many EC’ers avoid the use of praise or rewards because they want their children to know that this accomplishment is theirs and theirs alone. They don’t want to inadvertently encourage their children to use the toilet for external validation (such as a reward or to please the parent). And just as we usually don’t reward our children for eating or sleeping, going to the bathroom in the potty is another matter-of-fact process (especially if you’ve been doing it all your life).
That said, I am not at all saying that you should stifle your positive feelings. Acknowledging your child’s accomplishment, perhaps by saying how good it must feel for her, or by expressing delight for her that she’s gotten the hang of this concept, will leave the whole experience right where it belongs—with her. (By the same token, this is why it is so important to remain unemotional, matter-of-fact, and supportive if your child has a miss).
Critics of EC sometimes wonder if children will eventually regress because they stop wanting to please the parent. The truth is, however, that with EC, from the very beginning, the emphasis is on the child achieving it for herself and no one else. Keep your comments in the realm of affirming, positive reinforcement rather than praise.
Parents Speak about Positive Reinforcement:
Since the urge to eliminate is something that no one can control, it didn’t make sense to praise or reward Neshama for having this urge and acting on it when I gave her the chance to go in