The Diaper-Free Baby_ The Natural Toilet Training Alternative - Christine Gross-Loh [67]
TODDLER POTTY PAUSES
Just as in previous stages, some families might experience potty pauses of varying duration during the toddler years. It’s very important to note that not all EC’ing families experience potty pauses. Although most families probably experience their share of out-of-sync days here or there, the following section is meant to provide guidance and reassurance for those rarer potty pauses that stretch out for longer periods of time. Illness, teething, travel, and visitors can all throw things off just as they can throw off sleeping or eating patterns. Also, it’s developmentally normal for your child to be so immersed in her play that she won’t want to stop for any interruptions, such as eating, drinking, or using the bathroom. She may also be experimenting with her own expanding abilities to see how much of the outer world she can control.
As I’ve mentioned before, it’s important to see if changes to your routine helps your child become interested in using the bathroom again. Using different potties, switching from potty to toilet or vice versa, offering a potty in a different location, offering your child a choice of potties, changing what toys or books you have around the potty, or offering your child a sippy cup of water to help her relax enough to pee are all strategies that have helped families to move beyond these potty pauses. Each child is different, so be open to trying many different things until you figure out what works with your toddler.
I know a potty pause can be frustrating, and you may wonder if there was even any point to practicing EC before this, especially if a potty pause starts to drag on and on. It’s really important to stay relaxed and keep in mind that it’s normal for children to go through all sorts of challenging phases, not just with elimination but with eating, sleeping, and so on. (Remember, setbacks are normal when conventionally toilet training children, too.) Try to view a potty pause as a positive sign that your child is displaying developmentally appropriate initiative and independence. It also often shows that he has some control over when and where he goes to the bathroom. Later on your child will certainly reach a window of opportunity when all her abilities will be utilized and she desires to use the toilet or potty.
One strategy that worked very well for us whenever we experienced brief potty pauses with our toddlers was to step back almost completely. I would temporarily scale back to offering the potty just once a day at a very reliable time (usually after a nap or before bath), and the rest of the time I would just let things go. Somehow, changing my own mindset and telling myself that it didn’t matter was enough to release any tension I might have been feeling over knowing that my child could use the potty but had chosen not to. At the same time it gave my child a feeling of control over the situation, and things resolved quickly.
That’s what worked for us, but something different may work for your child and your family. I urge you to gather a variety of strategies in your toolbox and go through them all when you come to a rough patch. Almost without fail, parents I’ve talked to who have gotten through (or never really experienced) potty pauses have put their creative energies to use! They’ve used strategies such as scaling back, changing locations or potties (for some families, this may mean that the child goes through a phase where he prefers going outdoors or prefers peeing in the bathtub, in a loose diaper, or in a container), or just communicating about wet diapers as often as possible.
Lots of times, especially with a somewhat older toddler who is around, say, sixteen months and up, you can really jump start the process if you stop offering pottytunities and instead trust your child to tell you when he has to go to the bathroom or when he wants to take himself to the bathroom. I’ve heard of one parent who discovered