The Diaper-Free Baby_ The Natural Toilet Training Alternative - Christine Gross-Loh [72]
There is a range of graduation experiences out there. It’s really important, as I state throughout this book, not to be following EC because you want a child who will be potty trained early. While this can definitely happen and is a nice potential side benefit of EC, it is not the point of EC at all and should not be the goal. I would be dismayed if parents who were trying EC felt pressure for their children to graduate by a certain age.
Graduation happens differently for everyone. Some EC’ing families have children who smoothly move into a miss-free lifestyle early in toddlerhood. Others have experiences where the child suddenly becomes miss-free after a long potty pause. Still other families find that their children are not miss-free until about the average age of a conventionally trained child. Chances are that after your child is in underwear or training pants for a while, you will realize that your child is waiting to go to the bathroom or letting you know more often without your needing to offer many pottytunities (unless your child needs a gentle prompt right before going on a long car trip or something like that). No matter what age your child is when he graduates, it’s quite likely that you will have been using fewer diapers all along than you would have otherwise, and that your child has been bodily aware for as long as he’s been EC’ed—a huge step in becoming toilet-independent.
There are some parents who dislike the very term graduation or anything that seems to speak to the expectation that children be toilet trained through this method. They comment that it is often a natural, gradual process with lots of starts and stops and that even having such a concept in mind puts pressure on both parent and child. I understand this feeling. I do find the term handy though because it’s good to have a common vocabulary when discussing EC, and it’s my hope that once people understand what EC is about, they will realize that it is indeed a gradual process that shouldn’t feed any competitive feelings.
Just remember, every child journeys toward toilet independence in his own individual way. As an EC’ing parent, you will be lovingly walking with him and supporting him throughout this process, ready to gently assist him when needed. In a lot of ways, the EC experience mirrors parenthood itself and is really good preparation for so much of what you will encounter later on down the road! EC offers many opportunities for self-reflection and growth. It’s like a daily practice in learning how to support your child while also acknowledging, accepting, and celebrating that he is a separate person.
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DiaperFreeBaby Cofounder Rachel Milgroom’s Thoughts on Graduation
“My experience with EC has been that, like any developmental skill, all children will progress at the rate that’s right for them. We started full-time EC at birth with our second son, and he was about two and a half years old when he could reliably go through the day without any wet underwear. He was a full three years old before we could dependably leave the house without a “just in case” change of clothes.
A child learning to manage his or her own elimination needs is engaging in a process like any other learning they do. The more present we parents are with our children, the more rewarding it is for both parents and children. Through my experience of having a child who was dependably dry on the later end of the EC spectrum, I found that I had to move away from the culturally ingrained “first is better” competitive mentality. By accepting my son’s schedule, I experienced a profound mental and emotional transition that allowed me to let go of pressured expectations of myself and my children. And my son did get to a place where he was dependably