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Parents Speak about the Road to Graduation:

Among families who EC, the goal is not potty training. Rather, it’s to learn and respond to your child’s signals (using the diaper as a backup and the potty as the primary place to eliminate). Ever so gradually, your child takes over responsibility for the task. It’s very relaxed, pressure-free, and such an everyday occurence that you never really go through “potty training” as you usually think of it in this society. It’s strikingly similar to the transition from breastfeeding exclusively to introducing solid foods to gradually being able to eat “independently.”

—MEGAN, MOM TO NOEMI, 30 MONTHS

When our son was almost two years old, he had been poop trained for a year and we’d had no misses. Pees were a different story. He always told us right as or after he went, but we were missing as many as we were catching. I was starting to feel anxious; after all, we had been doing this for a long time and I think I had unconsciously expected him to be “done” by two years of age. I could feel this tension creeping into our relationship and he even stopped telling us about his pees. I was feeling even more frustrated because it felt like he was backsliding! Whenever I catch myself having these thoughts about my child in regard to anything—peeing, talking, climbing, whatever—it is a very clear sign to me to let go. So that is what I did. I stopped asking him if he had to go, stopped checking his pants for pee, and stopped offering the potty.

Within a month he was telling us about his pees again, and shortly after that he told us about them beforehand, reliably. At two years and one month, he graduated.

—STACY, MOM TO ORLANDO, 30 MONTHS

When Samuel was about eighteen months, he was on the verge of graduating. He had about three weeks with no misses, then a little period of backsliding and misses. At around twenty-one months he “graduated”—I didn’t have to think about his elimination very much, and he could take himself to the bathroom by himself, minus some clothing help or help getting on the toilet if it was high.

—MELINDA, MOM TO SAMUEL, 3, AND HANNAH, 10 MONTHS

Margaret graduated so gradually that it was pretty unnoticed. We had a potty in the main room and dressed Margaret in elastic-waist pants that she could maneuver. At around sixteen to seventeen months, she would refuse to pee if I suggested it, even if she really had to go and had a miss a few minutes later. I think she wanted me to back off, so that she could be the one to decide when she needed to pee. Once I backed off and stopped asking, we had puddles for a few days or weeks and then she was consistently taking herself to the potty without even consulting me or asking my help.

—AMANDA, MOM TO MARGARET, 3

With my daughter, EC was such a non-issue. There was no pressure for her and she just “graduated” in her own time, at around twenty-four to twenty-five months. I still help her in the bathroom at times, but she tells me when she wants to go and I don’t even think about it anymore. Most kids her age are still wearing diapers. I’m so happy we followed EC and gave our kids this freedom and dignity.

—LISA, MOM TO KAI, 3, AND NOE, 2

THE END OF ONE JOURNEY IS ONLY THE BEGINNING OF ANOTHER

Eventually, your baby will be completely toilet-independent and your EC’ing days will be behind you. You’ll put your potties, training pants, and fleece pads away, perhaps with a bit of nostalgia. It doesn’t matter what age your baby is when she is fully out of diapers; the journey to this place in your child’s life will have been an amazing one when you look back at it. You made the decision to be responsive, to be present, and to be open-minded and receptive to all that your child was communicating. There is no doubt in my mind that you and your child will continue to benefit from the foundation of trust and communication that you’ve built together and the lessons you’ve learned through EC. Congratulations!

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