The Education of Millionaires - Michael Ellsberg [46]
If you know a lot about vintage wine, or gourmet cooking, or fine tequila, or tango dance, or travel in Latin America or Southeast Asia, or Buddhist meditation and philosophy, or massage, or kite boarding, or social media marketing, or contemporary art, or some other interesting, cool, hip, unusual, sexy hobby or interest, it’s very likely you’ll be able to share your gift among people you want to connect with. (Of course, more “straight” hobbies like sailing, football, and baseball can work too. Though there’s a bit of a “join the club” effect with these, which makes it harder to stand out and truly broaden someone’s horizon. Are you really going to tell someone something they don’t already know about baseball or football?)
RELATIONSHIPS. In most cases I’ve seen, there’s not much of a correlation between success in business and money, and happiness in relationships. If anything, I’ve seen a negative correlation. A friend of mine involved with a long-running, high-level business networking group said that at the twentieth reunion of the original founders, nearly all of the members—mostly men—had been married at the start of the group and were now divorced.
The reason is obvious. Many people who achieve great success in the worlds of business and money do so at the expense of their relationships, by focusing on their business entirely and ignoring their relationships. And many business luminaries I’ve met, both men and women, are such control freaks that they’re terrified of the surrender, loss of control, and vulnerability involved in opening their heart. (It’s called “falling” in love, and not “stepping safely down the stairs of love,” for a reason.) Simply put, many financially and materially successful people are terrified of opening their hearts and don’t know how to even if they wanted to.
If, through your own experiences and self-education in life, you have learned to open your heart and surrender to love, or just to manage the ups and downs of dating and relationships smoothly, you may be able to serve your desired mentors by guiding them gently into deepening their relationships, opening to emotional intimacy in their lives, and finding or creating more love in their lives. If you do give this gift, this service of the heart, you will have given one of the greatest gifts possible.
Really, it’s all about becoming a “trusted adviser” to people you want to connect with. Being a trusted adviser to a successful person is, simply put, one of the most powerful ways to become successful yourself. You should definitely read The Trusted Advisor by David Maister, Charles Green, and Robert Galford, and Networking with the Affluent by Thomas J. Stanley, two of the best books on high-integrity, no-sleaze connecting I’ve read.
Stanley’s book lists many different ways you can serve powerful, influential people you’d like to connect with. (Remember, as with everything in this chapter, the giving has to be done in the spirit of pure service, or it feels icky!) These methods include “The Talent Scout,” “The Revenue Enhancer,” “The Advocate,” “The Mentor,” and “The Publicist.” Read the book for more details, but these are all fantastic ways to be of service to people you want to learn from.
Another great resource, which adapts some of these strategies for the digital and social media age, comes from David Siteman Garland (http://www.therisetothetop.com). In his article “From