The Empire Trilogy - J. G. Farrell [680]
‘Lord Halifax talkee this fashion,’ explained the Major, struggling to find some way of abbreviating Matthew’s harangue. ‘ “League of Nations idea blong plenty proper, plenty fine maybe, but League idea all-same plenty fine motor-car buggerup, motor-car no walkee. League of Nations no sendee soldier-man, no can do. Blitish Government idea yes can do.”’ (‘Oh dear, I’m afraid that was a bit complicated,’ apologized the Major.)
‘Ah so,’ nodded Cheong thoughtfully. ‘League Nation idea no walkee … Howfashion Lord Ha Lee Fax no wantchee League idea? Maskee,* this blong all-same fool pidgin!’ And with a shrug of disgust he, too, took a long pull at his bottle of Margaux (making a face, he preferred rice wine).
‘The Emperor replied to Halifax: “The suggestion of Great Britain is to favour general appeasement by the sacrifice of a people. This is contrary to the ideals of the Covenant and those ideals so constantly proclaimed by Great Britain and France,” and he ended, “It is sheer hypocrisy to attempt to strangle a people by procedure!” ’
‘Empelor plenty angry,’ summarized the Major. ‘Empelor talkee: “You buggerupim League of Nations!”’
Cheong nodded gravely. He had assumed that such would have been the Emperor’s reaction, for what other complexion could be put on Lord Ha Lee Fax’s preference for ‘realism’, the gospel of the corrupt, entrepreneurial diplomats of the West, over principle? What could be expected, in any case, Cheong wondered, of such strong-smelling diplomats? He had more than once, in his previous employment in Shanghai, had occasion to take the coat of a second or third secretary from one Legation or another and he knew what he was talking about. When the new China arose, as he did not doubt that it would, a new type of diplomat, odourless and strong-principled, would strut the world’s stage. Then at last things would be different.
‘Will we never be able to loosen the grip of the self-interested and corrupt on human affairs?’ demanded Matthew, springing to his feet, his eyes flashing.
‘By the way, that reminds me,’ remarked Ehrendorf, who had just been splashing himself from the Shanghai jar in the bathroom and now came in drying his hair to join the company, ‘it seems that the expression, “the Singapore Grip”, refers to the ability acquired by certain ladies of Singapore to control their autonomous vaginal muscles, apparently with delightful results. The girls from the Poh Leung Kuk agreed to tell me what it was for a dollar. They hinted that for ten dollars it might be possible to arrange a demonstration. Er … of course I didn’t accept,’ he added, seeing that the Major was looking upset.
‘No, Jim, that’s not what the Singapore Grip is,’ cried Matthew, his eyes flashing more than ever. ‘I know what it is! It’s the grip of our Western culture and economy on the Far East… It’s the stranglehold of capital on the traditional cultures of Malaya, China, Burma, Java, Indo-China and even India herself! It’s the doing of things our way … I mean, it’s the pursuit of self-interest rather than of the common interest! But one day we shall have a new League of Nations to conduct the world’s affairs with reason and justice and humanity! A League of Nations not made up of cynical power-brokers but of philosophers and philanthropists whose only desire will be to bind the nations and the races together!’
Ehrendorf sighed, thinking that in any case the Singapore Grip was about to be pried loose, if that was what it was. After some moments of hesitation and comparing of vintages, he selected the Laffitte. Altogether it had been a hard day.
*Never mind.
Part Six
64
If you follow the Singapore River, from its mouth where it bulges and curves beneath the Fullerton Building, back along its many twists and turns, between sampans and barges so tightly packed that in places there is scarcely a channel wide enough for the flow of water-traffic, back almost as far as The Great World, then you will see an unusually handsome godown on the right bank, taller than