The Everything Kids' Giant Book of Jokes, Riddles, and Brain Teasers - Michael Dahl [28]
“Here come the elephants!”
What did Tarzan say?
“Here come the grapes!” He was color blind.
Picto-Laugh #8
A pictograph is a very simple drawing of something funny. Can you guess what this little picto-laugh is showing? HINT: Think about broken elevators!
How do you get down off an elephant?
You don't get down off an elephant. You get down off a duck.
How do you catch an elephant?
Hide in the bushes and act like a peanut.
How do you get the wrinkles out of an elephant's skin?
Take him out of the dryer as soon as it stops.
Why don't elephants smoke?
Their butts are too big to set in the ashtrays.
Why are elephants easier to find in Alabama?
Because in Alabama you'll find Tuscaloosa (tusks are looser).
What weighs 2000 pounds, has big ears, tusks, and two trunks?
An elephant going on vacation.
What's big and gray and goes up and down, up and down?
An elephant bungee jumping.
Elemorphant
Can you turn an elephant into a peanut in three steps? Start with the word ELEPHANT. In each step, you can do only one of the following things — delete a group of letters, add a letter, or change one letter into another. Remember, you have to end up with PEANUT in Step 3! HINT: Keep track of the letters on the lines provided.
Jay Leno was once asked to name a comedian's most important tool. “A tape recorder!” he replied. Not to record the comedian, but to record the audience. Leno urges new comedians to listen and relisten to their live performances and note when the audience laughed, when they didn't laugh, if the jokes were fast enough, loud enough, smart enough. Armed with this new information, a budding comedian can delete the bad jokes, sharpen up the better ones, and make the next gig even funnier.
Part Two
KNOCK KNOCK
CAN YOU THINK OF ANYTHING more inviting than a good knock-knock joke? Who can resist answering “who's there?” after hearing someone say “knock knock”? You'd be hard-pressed to find someone who doesn't love these jokes.
Knock-knocks are popular in every country where people speak English, including the United States, Canada, Great Britain, and Australia. That's because each knock-knock joke is a pun, or a play on words, and puns are more popular in English than they are in other languages.
So, what's the purpose of a knock-knock joke anyway? Well, that's easy! To make you laugh, of course! A good laugh can have many truly wonderful results. Laughter is a universal language that all humans share no matter where they live or how old they are. Laughter can connect people of all ages around the world. Did you know that babies start laughing when they're only two months old? That's so much earlier than speaking or even crawling. Babies know funny when they see or hear it. And so do the rest of us.
Another fabulous result of a good laugh is that it really is the best medicine. Laughter is a great cure when you're down in the dumps and just can't shake the blues. Even the experts agree: Laughter helps to keep us healthy and happy. Science shows us that laughter increases the amount of oxygen running through our blood, makes us relax, and helps us feel less nervous during stressful times. This is no secret. People have known this for centuries. Some people even make a living just getting others to laugh!
Back in the very old days, court jesters appeared before the king and queen just to amuse them. Today, comedians, clowns, actors, and actresses all work hard to come up with funny material to get a good laugh from their audiences. Sometimes people will go out of their way to find something that will make them laugh. They watch movies, go to the theater, and turn on the television set, all in the hopes of kicking back and seeing how funny life can be!
Laughter makes people happy, and we all know that everybody likes to be around happy people. So start chuckling, giggling, guffawing, or even rolling-on-the-floor belly laughing. Gather some friends and start your own hysterical society. This is a group that gets together to