The Everything Kids' Giant Book of Jokes, Riddles, and Brain Teasers - Michael Dahl [59]
What do you call it when 5 royal cards get together?
A full house.
When the scientist didn't like Frankenstein's attitude, what did he do about it?
He “changed” his mind.
Why was the garbage man so sad?
He was down in the dumps.
Why was the cowboy so tired?
Because his giddy-up-and-go gotty-up-and-went!
What do you get when you drop a 500-pound potato off the top of a sky-scraper?
500 pounds of s-mashed potatoes.
What do you call a really cold puppy?
A chili dog.
If Lilly licks a lollipop while watching 3 30-minute cartoons and she only licks halfway through her lolly, how long will it take to finish it?
90 more minutes
Clarence the clown took off his big shoes, curly wig, baggy pants, polka-dotted tie, all of his makeup, suspenders, and his gloves. On the way to his trailer, a little girl stopped to say, “You're a clown, aren't you?” How did she know?
He forgot to take off his red nose!
Some days Jack felt really up, and some days Jack felt really down. Why?
He's a Jack-in-the-box
What's am I?
I liked to make people laugh and I would use anything I could think of — songs, poems, stories, art, and cartoons. I wrote several fun and silly books for children, like Where the Sidewalk Ends. Who am I?
Shel Silver stein
Words to Know
Memory: Ability to store information in your brain. Without your memory, you could never remember your brother's birthday or where you put your favorite book. And did you know that memory is one of the things required for laughter?
What type of print will you never find in a newspaper?
A footprint.
What can adult teeth have?
Baby teeth.
How do clouds make other clouds get out of their way?
They use their foghorns.
How can you tie something so you will always remember it?
With a “forget-me knot.”
What did one “Most Wanted” poster say to the other?
I've been framed!
Every once in a while, the workers at the perfume factory smell a horrible, strong skunk smell. Why is this?
Some perfumes are made from the smelly spray that comes from skunks
What object can go up and come down all by itself?
Ahelium balloon — when you blow it up it goes up, but in a few days it comes back down
What two things combine to look like a miniature tornado?
A bathtub drainand water
What's So Funny?
Jordan has some very silly dreams. One night he dreamt that he was a clown and when he woke up his nose was a little red. The next time he dreamed he was a king, only to find when he woke up that his comforter was around him like a robe. But tonight's dream had to be the silliest of all! Jordan dreamt he was sleepwalking! What's so funny?
When he wokeup he was in the yard!
CROSSING OVER
FUN FACT
USE YOUR HEAD!
Everyone has a pons (meaning “bridge”). Your pons is a part of your brain that is in charge of many things, like sorting all of the information you take in to decide what is important enough to think about.
When Geoffrey wrote a paper about crossing the English Channel for English class, he left out the crossing part. Because of this, no one could read his paper. Why?
He didn't cross his t's
How can 6 toothpicks have only 6 points?
When you make 2 triangles out of them
Do you know how to get a riddle really upset?
Take away its d's and you'll “rile” it.
What do you get when you cross 40 robbers with a herd of sheep?
Ali Baa Baa and 40 thieves.
Why did the math teacher cross the road?
Because he had “2.”
Who wrote the book 1001 Crosswords?
Chris Cross.
What do you get if you cross a movie theater with a palm reader?
Show-‘n’-tell.
Why did the playground cross the road?
To get to the other slide.
What's am I?
I was a powerful Egyptian queen, known for my beauty, intelligence, and power. Unfortunately, it all came to an end because of a Roman general. Who am I?
Cleopatra
When Maggie and Annette found 2 nails on the ground, one lying across the other, Maggie bet Annette she couldn't get them apart without touching them. Maggie lost the bet. How did Annette manage to do the trick?
She used 2 magnets
If a train going 40 miles an hour