The Eyre Affair_ A Novel - Jasper Fforde [106]
“And—cut! That was very good, darling,” declared Lydia’s producer. “Can we do it once more without the reference to Goliath? You know they’ll only cut it out!”
“Then let them.”
“Lyds, baby—! Who pays the bills? I like free speech as much as the next man, but on someone else’s airtime, hmm?”
She ignored him and looked around as a car arrived. Her face lit up and she walked briskly across, gesturing for her cameraman to follow.
A lean officer of about forty with silver hair and bags under his eyes looked to heaven as she approached, cracking his unfriendly face into a smile. He waited patiently for her to make a brief introduction.
“I have with me Detective Inspector Oswald Mandias, Yorkshire CID. Tell me, Inspector, do you think this crime is in any way connected to the Chuzzlewit theft?”
He smiled benignly, fully aware that he would be on thirty million television screens by the evening.
“It’s far too early to say anything; a full press release will be issued in due course.”
“Isn’t this a case for the Yorkshire Litera Tecs, sir? Jane Eyre is one of this county’s most valued treasures.”
Mandias stopped to face her.
“Unlike other SpecOps departments, the Yorkshire LiteraTecs rely on evidence supplied by the regular police. Litera Tecs are not police and have no place in a police environment.”
“Why do you suppose the Goliath Corporation made an appearance this morning?”
“No more questions!” called out Mandias’s deputy as a throng of other news crews started to converge. Goliath had been and gone but no one was going to learn anymore about it. The police pushed their way past and Lydia stopped to have a snack; she had been reporting live since before breakfast. A few minutes later Bowden and I drove up in the Speedster.
“Well, well,” I muttered as I got out of the car, “Startright keeps herself busy. Morning, Lyds!”
Lydia almost choked on her SmileyBurger and quickly threw it aside. She picked up her microphone and chased after me.
“Although the Yorkshire Litera Tecs and Goliath are claimed not to be present,” muttered Lydia as she tried to keep up, “events have taken an interesting turn with the arrival of Thursday Next of SO-27. In a departure from normal procedure, the Litera Tecs have come out from behind their desks and are visiting the crime scene in person.”
I stopped to have some fun. Lydia composed herself and started the interview.
“Miss Next, tell me, what are you doing so far out of your jurisdiction?”
“Hi, Lydia. You have mayonnaise on your upper lip from that SmileyBurger. It has a lot of salt in it and you really shouldn’t eat them. As for the case, I’m afraid it’s the same old shit: ‘You will understand that anything we may discover will have to remain a blah-de-blah-de-blah.’ How’s that?”
Lydia hid a smile.
“Do you think the two thefts are linked?”
“My brother Joffy is a big fan of yours, Lyds; can you let me have a signed picture? ‘Joffy’ with two Fs. Excuse me.”
“Thanks for nothing, Thursday!” called out Startright. “I’ll be seeing you!”
We walked up to the police line and showed our IDs to the constable on duty. He looked at the badges, then at the two of us. We could see he was not impressed. He spoke to Mandias.
“Sir, these two Wessex LiteraTecs want to get at the crime scene.”
Mandias ambled over painfully slowly. He looked