The Eyre Affair_ A Novel - Jasper Fforde [470]
There was applause, and Joffy and I exchanged looks.
“Does it get any better?” I whispered.
“Wait until they get on to Denmark.”
“I utterly refute,” began Kaine, “the implication that we aren’t doing things the right way. To demonstrate this I’d like to wander completely off the point and talk about the Health Service overhaul that we will launch next year. We want to replace the outdated ‘preventive’ style of health care this country has relentlessly pursued with a ‘wait until it gets really bad’ system, which will target those most in need of medical treatment—the sick. Yearly health screenings for all citizens will end and be replaced by a ‘tertiary’ diagnostic regime that will save money and resources.”
Again there was applause.
“Okay,” announced Webastow, “I’m going to give van de Poste three points for successfully not answering that question at all, but five points to Kaine, who not only ignored the question but instead used it as a platform for his own political agenda. So with six rounds still to go, we have Kaine with ten points and van de Poste with six. Next question, please.”
A young man with dyed red hair sitting in our row put his hand up. “I would like to suggest that the Danish are not our enemy, and this is nothing more than a cynical move by the Whigs to blame someone else for our own economic troubles.”
“Ah!” said Webastow. “The controversial Danish question. I’m going to let Mr. van de Poste avoid this question first.”
Van de Poste looked unwell all of a sudden and glanced nervously towards where Stricknene and Gayle were glaring at him.
“I think,” he began slowly, “that if the Danish are as Mr. Kaine describes, I will offer my support to his policies.”
He dabbed his forehead with a handkerchief as Kaine began: “When I came to power, England was a nation in the grip of economic decline and social ills. No one realized it at the time, and I took it upon myself to demonstrate by any means in my power the depths to which this great nation had fallen. With the support of my followers, I have managed to demonstrate reasonably clearly that things aren’t as good as we thought they were, and what we imagined was peace and coexistence with our neighbors was actually a fool’s paradise of delusion and paranoia. Anyone who thinks . . .”
I leaned over to Joffy. “Do people believe this garbage?”
“I’m afraid so. I think he’s working on the ‘people will far more readily believe a big lie than a small one’ principle. Still surprises me, though.”
“. . . whoever disturbs this mission,” rattled on Kaine, “is an enemy of the people, whether they be Danish or Welsh sympathizers, eager to overthrow our nation, or ill-informed lunatics who do not deserve the vote or a voice.”
There was applause, but a few boos, too. I saw Colonel Gayle make notes on a scrap of paper as to who was shouting them, counting out the seat numbers as he did so.
“But why the Danish?” continued the man with the red hair. “They have a notoriously fair system of parliament, an impeccable record of human rights and a deserved reputation of upstanding charitable works in Third World nations. I think these are lies, Mr. Kaine!”
There were gasps and intakes of breath, but a few head noddings, too. Even, I think, from van de Poste.
“For the moment, at least,” began Kaine in a conciliatory tone, “everyone is permitted an opinion, and I thank our friend for his candor. However, I would like to bring the audience’s attention to an unrelated yet emotive issue that will bring the discussion away from embarrassing shortcomings of my administration and back into the arena of populist politics. Namely: the disgraceful record of puppy and kitten death when the Commonsense Party was in power.”
At the mention