The Face of Another - Kobo Abe [44]
THE following day I resolutely decided to increase the scope of testing. Quite early, on getting up, I questioned the superintendent of the apartment house, saying I would like to rent the room next door for my younger brother if it were still free. The “younger brother,” of course, was my other self, the one who wore the mask.
Unfortunately, I was too late, for a tenant had been accepted the day before.
However, the contretemps did not change my plans. I had taken the occasion to let it be known I had a “younger brother,” and it was more important to have impressed this on the man.
As the “younger brother” lived in a remote suburb and was engaged in work at most irregular hours, he wanted a room to relax in from time to time. However, if the place next door was rented, we had had to bow to circumstances. The two of us were in about the same situation, and so we had decided not to be too demanding and to share my room.
Then without a moment’s delay I suggested that I pay an increase in my rent of thirty percent. The superintendent put on a distressed look, but at heart he was not the least troubled. Finally I succeeded in securing an extra latchkey for my “younger brother.”
About ten o’clock I put on my mask and went out. My purpose was to complete the “younger brother” ’s attire along with the beard and the glasses. For some while, I was unable to escape the tenseness that came with the first sortie of the day—was it because the roots of the mask’s beard, which had seemed to show signs last night of growing, had really begun to sprout like real roots? Or was it because of the increased dose of tranquilizers? Anyway, while waiting for the bus, I calmly began to puff on a cigarette.
But I was really made aware of the stubborn power the mask had over me when I entered a department store to order some clothes. Though it might have been appropriate to chose something quite flashy to match the beard and glasses, I selected a conservative three-button suit with a narrow collar, a style which was the fad of the moment. It was unbelievable. First, the very fact that I had any awareness of fashion was itself beyond comprehension. However, that wasn’t all; I deliberately went to the jewelry department and purchased a ring. The mask was apparently beginning to walk on its own and to ignore my plans. I didn’t consider this particularly bothersome, but it was nevertheless strange. Although there was nothing funny, gasps of incoherent laughter came welling up one after the other as if I were being tickled, and I seemed to be in an unaccountably jovial mood.
After leaving the department store, I decided to attempt another little venture. It was not much … just dropping into a small Korean restaurant that was situated in an inner lane away from the busy street. Since I had not had a decent meal for some time, my stomach easily persuaded me; in any case, the tasty barbecued meat had long been a favorite of mine. But was that my only motive for going in?
To what extent I was aware of my motives was another question. But it would be false to say that there was no reason for deliberately choosing a Korean restaurant. I had clearly taken into consideration that the restaurant was Korean and that there would be Korean customers. Of course, I had unconsciously reckoned that even if there still were some crudeness about my mask, Koreans would probably take no notice of it, and moreover I felt it would be easier to associate with them. Or perhaps, seeking points of similarity between myself