The Family Fang - Kevin Wilson [45]
“It’ll be a thing of beauty,” Caleb told his children.
“I don’t want to do this,” Annie said.
“Yes, you do,” Caleb responded.
“I’m not well,” Annie said. “Buster is not well.”
“This will make you better,” Camille said. “We’re a family again. This is what we do. This is what the Fangs do. We make strange and memorable things.”
“I can’t do this,” Annie said, looking at Buster for help. Buster touched his eye patch and then said, “I don’t want to do this either.”
“Don’t you start,” Caleb told his son.
“No,” Annie said. “We aren’t going to do this.”
“Kids,” Camille began, but then Caleb slammed his hand on the horn, a shock of anger, before he regained his composure. “Fine,” he said. “You’re out of practice anyway. You’d fuck it up. Your mother and I will do it all. We’ll do everything. We’ve done it for years on our own. We were just trying to include the two of you. We wanted to make you feel a part of this again.”
Annie felt her resolve slipping. “Dad, it’s not—”
“No,” Caleb said. “We shouldn’t have asked. We’ll do it. We’ll make this happen. Could you at least work the camera? Could you do that much for us?”
“Sure,” Buster said, looking at Annie for support. “We’ll do that.”
“You’re just out of practice,” Caleb mumbled, staring straight ahead. “You just need to relearn what all this means. Who you are.”
Their lazy children parked at a table in the food court, Caleb and Camille separated to opposite ends of the mall and laid the groundwork for the event. “Free chicken sandwich at Chicken Queen,” Caleb shouted, waving a coupon toward a passing woman in a way that seemed vaguely obscene. “No purchase necessary,” he said.
“No thank you,” the woman said.
“What?” Caleb asked her, the paper drooping in his hand.
“I don’t want any, thank you,” the woman explained.
“It’s free, though,” Caleb said, shocked at the refusal.
“I’m not hungry.”
“Are you watching your weight?” Caleb asked, genuinely curious. “It’s one of the healthiest things in the food court.”
“No,” the woman said, her voice rising. She slapped at the proffered coupon and quickly walked away from Caleb.
“Do you not understand?” Caleb said. “It’s free.”
Camille handed one of the coupons to a man wearing headphones, who took it without breaking stride. After he had walked a few feet, he tossed it in a trash can. Camille ran to the trash and retrieved the coupon. She caught up to the man and tapped him on the shoulder. He turned, annoyed. “You dropped this,” she said, smiling.
“I don’t want it,” he said, too loudly, his headphones still playing.
“It’s good for one free sandwich at Chicken Queen,” she continued. “No purchase necessary.”
“No thanks,” he said, walking away from her, nodding his head to a beat that Camille couldn’t hear.
A family of five walked past Camille and she offered them a sheaf of coupons. “Free chicken sandwiches for everyone,” she shouted, her face strained from smiling so much.
“We don’t eat meat,” the mother said, shielding her children from the coupons.
“Oh, for crying out loud,” Camille said. She’d been standing here for thirty minutes and she’d only managed to hand out twelve coupons.
“I don’t understand,” the man told Caleb, trying to back away from the coupon.
“What’s not to understand?” Caleb said. “You take this coupon, get a free chicken sandwich, bring it back to me, and I’ll give you five bucks.”
“Why don’t you just do it yourself?” the man asked.
“I’m an employee,” Caleb said, exasperated. “The coupons don’t apply to employees.”
“Then why don’t you just go buy one yourself? It’ll be cheaper than five bucks.”
“Do you not want free money?” Caleb asked.
“I guess not,” the man said, and hurried off.
“Free goddamn chicken sandwiches,” Caleb shouted.
At the food court, Annie and Buster filled each other in on the details of their lives, how they’d become