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“What kind of colorful language does Cane woo you with?” I asked. “Does he whisper sweet nothings in your ear or hypnotize you by dangling some sparkling ambition in front of you?”

“Green is not a good color for you, Gumdrop,” Rosebud said. “It clashes with your lederhosen.”

“You can’t blame me for being jealous,” I said, taking a step toward her. “I mean, how’s an elf like me supposed to compete with Santa’s bright boy? Cane is a big man in Kringle Town and I’m nothing. You might say we’re polar opposites.” I was close to her now and I could tell she was getting a touch nervous. I liked that, so I leaned in more. “Cane is a giant among elves.”

“Maybe size doesn’t matter,” Rosebud said.

“Maybe you want to prove it,” I said and bent forward for a kiss.

That’s when Rosebud slapped me so hard across the face I felt a molar bruise. “You’re gonna have to work a little harder than that before you drop down my chimney, Gumdrop Coal,” Rosebud said. Her back was up, but she was still smiling. “My being here is what proves I’m on your side, you nincompoop.”

“So you and Cane can rub me out together?” I asked, rubbing my jaw.

“Cane and the rest of Kringle Town are still looking for you in Whoville, thanks to me,” Rosebud said. “I sent you that note because I knew the route to the mistletoe forest wasn’t being watched. No one thinks you’re stupid enough to go to the woods.”

I figured Rosebud slapped me harder than I thought because I was confused. “Are you trying to tell me that the mistletoe forest wasn’t a trap set by you and Cane?”

“That’s right, sugarplum,” Rosebud said. “Momma has been undercover all this time to save your little hide, because you’re in over your head and you don’t even know it. You think you’re the only one who can turn invisible? You don’t have to be a Zwarte Pieten for that, toots. I know you didn’t deck the Hall schmuck, but I do think Cane knows who swiped Ralphie’s Red Ryder and shot him. I also think Cane will let you take the fall for it. He’s had your number for a long time and wants you out of the way. I’m just now sure about the why of it all.”

“How do you know all this?”

“Like every other alpha elf at the North Pole, Cane will talk a country mile to the fairer sex if he thinks it will lead to some stocking stuffing,” Rosebud said with a matter-of-fact shrug. “There’s a holy mackerel of a story here, and I’m the girl who’s gonna reel it in, buster. I don’t know what Cane’s scheme is exactly, but I know part of it was getting rid of the Coal Patrol and then punching you a one-way ticket to Banditoville. Cane thinks that my hanging on his every word is a bad case of puppy love and I let him think it. But what I was really doing was listening and waiting for the puzzle pieces to spit out of that pretty mouth of his.”

“All for a story?” I asked. Despite the ache in my jaw, I leaned back toward Rosebud and took a swim in her eyes.

She smiled and leaned forward herself. “It’s a big story, Coal. I think the Fat Man’s in real danger and somehow you and Cane are in the middle of it. If I can break the story and help save Santa, I’ll be swimming in gravy.”

Every time someone mentioned Santa getting the bump, I got a bad case of heartburn. Was this really what all this was about? “So you’re playing Cane,” I said. “How do I know I’m not just another road to your story?”

In her own ladylike way, Rosebud Jubilee spit out the peppermint stick, slung an arm around my neck and kissed me. She kissed me like we were both meant for this one moment, and my hunch was she was right. After a few minutes of pure heaven, she pulled back and gave me a smile. “Because I love ya, you big lummox. Well, little lummox.”

“Seems kinda quick. On the record?”

“And on the level,” Rosebud said in a way that made me want to believe her. “Don’t let your head swell, but I’ve been watching you for a while because Cane has been pulling strings for months. At first, I just thought you were kind of a lovable jerk, but when I saw that you were being set up, I kinda got a soft spot for you. I still think you’re a jerk