The Freedom Writers Diary - Erin Gruwell [101]
Diary 121
Dear Diary,
The Freedom Writers are finally being published! I am overjoyed the publisher will be Doubleday, since they also published Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl, the second most read book in the world—topped only by the Bible.
All of this is like a dream come true. I have loved writing since I could remember. When I read my first V. C. Andrews book, Dawn, I tried to write my own book. I was impressed with her story. Mine was almost exactly like hers, except for the names of the characters. I got to the thirteenth chapter and decided that I needed to develop my own writing style.
The poet in me evolved from attending political meetings with my stepfather and his comrades. My first poem was titled “The American Dream,” a tale of a woman immigrating to this country—“the land of unlimited opportunity”—and barely being able to feed her family. My stepfather was proud of me; he did everything but laminate the poem. I continued to write. Each year my poems became more and more mature. I wonder if it was the same for Toni Morrison and Louise Erdrich—two of my favorite writers.
When I told my stepfather about Doubleday publishing The Freedom Writers’ Diary, you can imagine his response. “Doubleday!” he said. “They are one of the biggest publishing houses.” His friends (all of whom he told as soon as I told him) are thrilled because I will be added to the short, but ever growing list of African American female writers.
It is scary to be launched into the publishing world. I hope this will be the beginning of a new me, after years of simply writing to purge myself of pain. I look forward to sharing my writing, and no longer imagining myself as the “starving artist.”
Diary 122
Dear Diary,
As we stood around the room in a group waiting to take a picture with Connie Chung, Ms. Gruwell announced something to us that would change our lives—we had a book deal with one of the most prestigious publishing companies in the world. At that moment, I realized that if we want to be successful, we’ll have to work as a team.
I know from my own personal experience working as a team can bring a lot of pressure, especially when you are a star athlete. Which brings me back to my junior year, when we went to the second-round basketball playoffs, and were expected to make it to the championship.
Before the game, I went into my coach’s office to talk to her. She said that she knew we could beat the other team—it was just a matter of our going out and doing it. But she warned us not to get too cocky. I guess I was feeling pretty cocky, because her words didn’t faze me. After all, we were the league champs, the papers loved us, and college scouts were sending me letters like crazy. As the team captain, things always came easy for me, so I just assumed it came easy for everyone else. I was wrong.
I was getting dressed for the game; I started feeling more pressure than usual. This was just a game, wasn’t it? Why was I so nervous? I felt like all the pressure was on me—not the team. My hands started to sweat and my stomach felt like it had a million knots in it.
When we arrived at the other school, I felt like my insides were ready to explode! As I talked to my teammates, I looked into their eyes and saw the fear bottled up inside them. As we warmed up, all I kept saying to myself was “We have to win, we came too far and worked too hard not to.”
During the jump-ball, my stomach erupted, I tapped the ball, and the crowd went ballistic. At first, we looked liked the mini “Dream Team,” but our dream only lasted for about ten minutes—a quick ten minutes! That’s when all the pressure came back on me. I felt like it was me against the other team, but in reality, I had four other players on the court with me. In my coach’s eyes, I could see her agony—we were losing! It seemed as though she wanted to be on the court with us. At that point in time, I knew it was all up to me, since nobody else wanted to do the job. I felt like I had to save the