The Freedom Writers Diary - Erin Gruwell [102]
There were only four minutes left in the fourth quarter, and we were down by five points. All I could see was my team falling apart. It looked like there was no hope. I tried to help my team win the game, but they’d given up. How could they give up? This was the “big game”! We were supposed to win! I was not about to lose!
With two minutes remaining, my coach called a time-out. During the time-out, the looks on my teammate’s faces were astonishing. The cocky faces I’d seen earlier were now of despair. I thought to myself, “Is there really hope?” Yes, I had to pull this off. I hate losing. And in front of all these people, especially our fans! I had so much tension and pressure resting on my shoulders. Time was running out—could I save it?
The time ran out. The game was over. And I didn’t save it! Even though I scored 24 of our 37 points, I felt like I let my team, my coach, and my fans down. I felt like it was all my fault. I started to cry.
After the game, as, I got dressed, I realized it wasn’t my fault—or any one person’s, for that matter. It was the whole team’s fault. We went into the game thinking it was already ours—and when it wasn’t, we fell apart.
This year we are in the play-offs, and we are not going to fall apart. We’ve put too much into it and now we were playing our best basketball, and we are working as a team. It doesn’t all rest on my shoulders.
For our book to work, we have to work as a team. It can’t be one star athlete and 149 benchwarmers. Ms. G can coach us, but she can’t play for us. Just like the saying “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.”
Diary 123
Dear Diary,
Today Ms. Gruwell was in New York to meet with our book publisher, and we had a substitute. Whenever a class has a substitute, chaos is imminent. When someone took my chair, I exploded. Maybe it was pent-up frustration, or could it be that not all Freedom Writers are carrying their workload? This can’t be possible…or could it be?
I am reminded of a story Ms. Gruwell read in her sophomore class, and I recently saw on video. The title was Animal Farm. This story revolved around the premise of creating a utopia where everyone is treated fairly and is completely equal. The reality of this is that just like in the book, not everybody works the same or cares the same. It is not an equal environment.
We can safely refer to the Freedom Writers as a Freedom Writer Farm, entirely consisting of what we like to call Boxers and Mollys. A Boxer is a hardworking person, and a Molly would be the opposite. Molly is the name of one horse in the book Animal Farm. She was a white horse who wore ribbons in her hair, and felt as though she didn’t have to contribute to the cause. Boxer is the name of another horse in Animal Farm. He was a plain horse who was born strong and sturdy. He put his all into everything he did. He worked so hard that he became as stubborn as glue. The reward for being involved with the creation of a book, and being part of something that can change one’s life, is right in front of the Mollys, and yet they do not take advantage of it. They expect others to carry the workload for them. The Mollys of the world have to realize one thing, that a Boxer can only do so much.
Our lawyer, our teacher, and Carol are all here to make our book “an all for one, one for all” type of operation. However, the irony is that humans, like the animals in Animal Farm, do not work equally. If this is the attitude, then everything is destined for failure.
Ms. Gruwell says that the only way the Freedom Writers could be destroyed is from someone on the inside. That is just it, plain and simple! These people (the Mollys) need to get their act together, or get the hell out!
Diary 124
Dear Diary,
I never thought I would be kicked off the basketball team, especially my senior year! I have devoted four years of hard work to my coach and my team. Four years of early-morning practices, late-night practices, summer league practices, and winter break practices. Who knows how many laps I had to run,