The Freedom Writers Diary - Erin Gruwell [32]
I jacked some makeup and thought to myself as I slowly walked toward the door, “I can just walk out that door, it will all be over. Please, don’t let anyone see me…”
“Yes, I’m out the door. I did it, I got away…” I thought as I passed the two automatic doors.
“Excuse me, Miss, I’m a security officer here, can you please step inside the store with me? We have evidence that you took some makeup…”
My parents froze in their steps.
Shit, I got caught, I can’t believe this. All the blood drained from my face. My parents were shocked. All they could do was stare at me in disbelief. My dad looked like he was going to slap me. My mom looked like she could kill me. All they said was, “What a disgrace. How can you do this to us? Do you know how humiliating this is?”
I could feel my body shaking. I had never done anything like this in my entire life. I knew my parents were going to kill me. “This can’t be happening, it’s just a dream, just a dream, wake up, hurry,” I kept telling myself as I stepped back into the store. They took me to a small weird room in the corner. It might have been a well-lit room, but it felt cold and dark.
They told me to have a seat while my parents stood by the door, glaring down at me. They told me to pull out the makeup I had put in my pocket. They totaled up the cost, which came up to $15. Then they brought out the wrappers that I had tried to hide between other things in the store. They had also taken snapshots of me. I felt like a big-time criminal.
As they were taking the pictures, they told me to lighten up for the camera. Why the hell were they telling me this when I just got myself into such a mess?
I kept asking myself, “Why am I so stupid that I stooped this low to impress my so-called friends? They’re not even here with me to help me out of this mess. My parents will probably never forgive me, or ever trust me ever again. How could I do this to them? They’ve always given me everything I’ve ever wanted.” After I finished signing some papers, they finally let me out. I didn’t want to face my parents. When we headed toward the car, I walked behind my parents as slow as possible.
When we got home they gave me a really long lecture that made me cry the whole night. That night before I went to bed, I made a promise to myself that I will never steal anything else or do anything stupid like that ever again. Not only did I cause my parents pain, but I also threw away my own pride and good judgment trying to be someone I’m not.
Diary 36
Dear Diary,
At first I asked Ms. G, “Why should I read books about people that don’t look like me? People that I don’t even know and that I am not going to understand because they don’t understand me!” I thought I was a smart-ass for asking her this question. I thought to myself, “She’s not going to give me an answer because this time I am right.” She looked up and said very calmly, “How can you say that? You haven’t even bothered to open the front cover. Try it, you never know. The book may come to life before your eyes.” So I started to read this book called Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl because I wanted to prove Ms. G wrong. I wanted to show her that what she said was bullshit, and that her little technique was not going to work for me. I hate reading, and I hate her, for that matter.
To my surprise, I proved myself wrong because the book indeed came to life. At the end of the book, I was so mad that Anne died, because as she was dying, a part of me was dying with her. I cried when she cried, and just like her I wanted to know why the Germans were killing her people. Just like her, I knew the feeling of discrimination and to be looked down upon based on the way you look. Just like her, “I sometimes feel like a bird in a cage and just want to fly away.” The first thing that came to my mind when I finished reading