The Geeks Shall Inherit the Earth - Alexandra Robbins [41]
Why has contempt become a tolerable quality? I am not the type to blame video games for violence or music lyrics for attitudes. Yet popular girls agreed that shows like Gossip Girl, 90210, and the Real Housewives series make bitchiness seem glamorous. The rush of reality shows that have become an inescapable part of regular programming highlight the notion that to stand out, even as a villain, could make you famous. Fame equals celebrity. Celebrity equals perceived popularity. Bitchiness is viewed as an acceptable strategy if it gets you what you want.
Even the word “bitch” has gained increasing acceptance in the public sphere. Broadcast TV networks can air it without repercussion; the word has even hit the Today show. Books with “bitch” in their titles surface on best-seller lists. Celebrities like Paris Hilton openly call their friends bitches. Hollywood diva tales are ubiquitous, and what is a diva if not a euphemism for a bitch? We have come to accept diva behavior among celebrities as not only expected but, sometimes, deserved. This attitude has trickled down quickly to the student world. When I asked a popular sophomore in Maine what characteristics made someone popular, she answered, “Shopping at only designer stores and Hollister, dating older boys, being known for rumors and sex—and being a bitch to other people.”
During the first month I followed Whitney, I asked her about the influence of media like Gossip Girl and Mean Girls. She answered, “Those definitely make it desirable to be the mean girl. Even though those girls get what’s coming to them, it still isn’t enough to make them seem bad. I have been three-way-call attacked, I have been kicked out of my lunch table for stupid things, and I have had friends go after guys I said I liked. That scene when they are all walking down the hall like they rule the world is definitely true. They are all pretty, skinny, worshipped, get all the guys, get away with anything, and seemingly have no cares in the world.”
Whitney unwittingly broached another reason why popular people can be mean: Often, they get away with it. Unpopular kids might be too intimidated to retaliate, wannabes might tolerate and support the cruelty, and even teachers and administrators might be less likely to punish a girl for meanness if she’s popular. (Also, relational aggression can be difficult to punish because the meanness is indirect or the identity of the perpetrator isn’t obvious.) Some studies even report that students reward populars who engage in relational aggression, because mean kids can become more popular over time.
This behavior isn’t limited to girls. Several popular boys told me about utilizing relational aggression. A Missouri eighth grader who said he was popular because “I throw a lot of parties, and I’m fashionable, and a gossiper,” added that his group “usually knows things before most people, and we usually write them on our Facebook statuses to humiliate our enemies.”
When I asked a popular boy from Arkansas how people at his high school treated students who were different from others, he said, “We crushed their dreams. We had a kid who wanted to be cool but he wore eyeliner, so we invited him to a party and got him drunk and pushed him into a fire and then some guys peed on him when he passed out. He moved the next week. [Supposedly due to technicalities, charges against the aggressors were dropped.] We cut off a Pentecostal girl’s hair and hid her skirt in gym class, just because we were all Baptist and thought Pentecostals were weird. We felt like it was our right to do whatever we pleased. Part of being cool was uniformity and anything that isn’t part of our hive mind needs to be mocked.”
Granted, populars are certainly not the only students who are mean. Many teens told me about members of various other groups dumping kids in trash cans Glee-style, shouting insulting racist or weight-related comments, and cyber-bullying.