The Ginger Man - J. P. Donleavy [131]
Three of them in the taxi. Past the packs of choir boys and mothers lugging red toys, Mary with a film contract. No one can tell me about the law of contracts. And Mary I'm going to have a word with you. Running wild in London and perhaps you've put your picture up on one of those public notice boards for gentlemen to take your measurements. And I'd say they were partial to the big ones. Pumpkins. Like one I saw when Mac went into a shop to buy a tin of Australian corn beef. And that was when Mac told me about designing the brassiere. About the uplift and to get them to point out a little. To preserve the supple look and a certain degree of bounce. We agreed the bounce was extremely important in separating the real from the false. And Mary I'd say yours were nothing but the truth. And this Dorothy here has two tiny pearls hanging from her ears. Her hair a soft curve round the back of her head. And Mac I'd suggest that Dorothy here had the pear shape which you said was rare and in demand. I'll move over a little and take a look through the open coat. Just as I thought, the strapless kind. And Dorothy you've got a pretty jewel on your pale winter breast. And hairless hands. Mine are cool and joined. I've not often been a man for light hair, preferring the black, the deep, the West. But you're rich and I prefer that. But from the poor the lilies grow and roses too. I'm a fair flower.
Osgood turns to Dangerfield.
'And do you like living here, Mr. Dangerfield?"
"Very much. I think it might be said I love England."
"Well, that is a compliment you know. I hope Dorothy will come to like England as much as you do."
"But I think it's swell already."
"I'm trying to show Dorothy some places of particular interest. Perhaps you would know of something Mr. Dangerfield. I thought I got off to a rather good start in having her meet a celebrity like Mr. MacDoon. He is delightful isn't he."
"Perfectly."
"But, of course, I am, you know, a little shocked by some of his things. Gives one a bit of start the first time you know. The Irish have such vitality and wit And I do think wit is essential"
"But Osgood, he's just wonderful. I just love that little red beard of his. So cute. He'd just slay them at Goucher. He's so virile and mature."
"Where are you from in the States Miss Cabot?"
"Call me Dot New York, but I've outgrown it. But Mommie and Daddy live upstate. We've got a house in Cora-wall here but I've never been yet."
"Dot has told me a great deal about New York, Mr. Dangerfield, it sounds a most amazing place. Must be frightening living in such tall buildings."
"O nothing. Mommie and Daddy's apartment is right on the very top of one and it's just wonderful. Looks right over the river and I just love throwing rose petals down."
"Miss Cabot, or rather Dot, did you know that in New York one is not allowed to throw dead animals into public waters, or to seive, agitate or expose ashes, coal, dry sand, hair, feathers, or other substances likely to be blown about by the wind or to transport manure or like substance through the streets, unless covered so as to prevent spilling, or to throw garbage, butcher's offal, blood refuse or stinking animal into the street, or to permit any human being to use a water closet as a sleeping place. Guilty of a misdemeanor."
"Gee, I didn't know that I never thought about that"
"I say, are you trying to be funny, Mr. Dangerfield?"
"I'm weary and fearful for future and must get a laugh."
"I don't quite understand."
"Knaves and thieves. I'm tired of drivel. Cads and benefactors and knaves. I'm tired. Let me get away."
"What are you driving at sir ?"
"I can't bear any more of it. I think I am going to faint Faint and fade. Driver stop."
"Yes, driver, do stop"
The taxi came to a halt. Dangerfield stumbling to the sidewalk. Dorothy said I mustn't leave. But the taxi pulled into the traffic again and went away. And leaning against the wall of a bank. Need a bank for support Eeeeee. Only a certain amount one can stand Banks. I must see banks. I'm for the banks