The Ginger Man - J. P. Donleavy [72]
Respectfully yours,
Egbert SKULLY.
Dear Mr. Skully,
I have caught my neck in a mangle and will be indisposed for eternity.
Yours in death,
S.D.
Why can't we all be little friends. Friends of Jesus. Not a sound in the house, must be made of rubber.
He put on the gas, filling the teapot. Miss Frost was always good for a shilling in the meter. Now what's this from O'Keefe? Kenneth, what news? What fearful news have you? Don't tell me anything unpleasant, will you now, nothing unpleasant Just nice things. I think I'm going to go bye bye. All alone in this house. And afraid of getting that last and final chill, the one to be avoided at all costs. This world which has caused me so much distress and indignity. I'm heartbroken and frightened. But before I go down, pack up, dry up or waste away, a few people are going to know about it Kenneth, don't be unkind.
Dear Phony,
No money. As I expected. Right. I know your affairs are in a mess. I can't stick it here any longer—as you say, funt Now I would like to make this arrangement with you. Don't send any money here to me because I am coining back to the ould sod, arriving next Monday. Three weeks ago I wrote to the Irish Times to send a paper. And I got a job. Ever hear of Lady Eclair, Roundwood, Co. Wicklow? Well evidently Lady Eclair wants to do the thing properly and wants a French Chef. You can gather the rest For all practical purposes, I am now a frog.
I feel that there may be opportunities in the kitchens of Lady Eclair for romance with the scullery maids who will be under my lascivious thumb. Now I don't know for sure whether I have this job but Lady Eclair says she will pay my fare to Ireland and this is where you play the lead. I want you to arrange to have seven (7) pounds waiting for me so that I won't starve in that agricultural country.
I find that hunger puts one at a disadvantage when dealing with people who eat three times a day. I'm depending on you.
I have abandoned homosexuality for it has only succeeded in complicating my life further. I have been satisfying myself by hand as usual but find it very boring. However, I had written what I called "A Beginners Guide to Masturbation" in Greek to add sophistication, but gave it up in despair. That was when I decided to try to get back to the ould sod. If I must be celibate I may as well live where celibacy is a virtue. I speak French enough to be phony. I've told Lady Eclair I was educated in England and have travelled extensively in America.
Have that seven quid. Or else I'll be kaput and at the conversational mercy of Lady Eclair whom I want to impress with my command of the English language and also any items of interest I should spot around the house. I also want to appear temperamental as this will give me a certain amount of leeway and perhaps I can meet some of her rich guests after they have feasted on the food from my well run kitchen. If things go wrong I can always suggest that Lady Eclair sail a nate in a sauce boat. Don't let me down.
God bless you,
Kenneth O'KEEFE
Acting Duke of Serutan.
Kenneth, we all want wampum. And as you must know, if only I had some I would be only too willing to share. But the only thing I have here is a pile of business magazines which I am going to burn for a fire.
Day is covered in clouds, high gray sea and white horses. Be wild and fretful all along the coast. A day like this when I used to watch the brave men out on the grave water. And seals popping up. If a yellow light bobs on the end of land that means a fearful thing. Out there, death and disaster.
Sebastian went looking for aspirin. The house looks unusually empty. The closet. Marion's clothes are gone. Just my broken rubbers on the floor. The nursery. Cleaned out. Bare. Take that white cold hand off my heart
Feverishly around the house again. Pulling out all the drawers, tearing through the closets. Sewing